Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I need to hear and read more of God. Part of self care too.

I am aware, I need to hear and read more of God. I know I need it, I know I want to grow in God’s wisdom, and I know this is what God wants and I know it is part of my ongoing life of spiritual growth and my lifelong student needs.

So, today, I started reading a book which has been sat collecting dust for months, by an author I really enjoy reading – Carolyn Custis James. Her book ‘When Life and Beliefs Collide’ – was ‘wow’! I enjoyed and learned so much from that book, about women, about dealing with hardship and suffering, about the wrong beliefs of women’s roles within marriage, church, society etc.

So, I bought ‘Lost Women Of The Bible’…….and it has not yet been read.

But, I am reading it. And I have only read 40 pages – and I love it already! She is a smart woman. I like that. Continue reading


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Self Flagellation…..there are many ways to self harm., hurt oneself….but this is not what God wants.

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This just came to me….thank you Jesus <3

Self harm….something many participate in and have many reasons for this. All shame based.

It’s interesting and sad how wrong so many church people can get what God wants, and how much He loves us.

He doesn’t want anyone to hurt themselves. And certainly not to prove our love for Him. God is pure, perfect love. This does not require us hurting ourselves, for Him. Yes, be uncomfortable, act with courage, spiritual integrity, wisdom….but not get really hurt in the process, harming healing and wellbeing. I do know God does not want or expect that at all.

Self harm, is not only the religious practices some participate in. There are many, emotional, spiritual, psychological forms of self harm, and I have several. I had even more in the past. And it is weird that I still crave some of the ones I no longer participate in.

I know my deep desire to do what is needed for God….can put me into the non healthy boundary area, of thinking it is okay if I get hurt, to do what is right for God.

But, I do need to question myself about this. This cannot become an excuse, to harm myself. That will be an idol – my need to self harm, not at all what God wants. And I do not want to be worshipping my need to self harm. Because, I know what God wants, is absolutely perfect for what we need. Continue reading


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Cardinal Pell compares Church with trucking company at Royal Commission.

Pell compares church to trucking company

Cardinal Pell said it would not be appropriate for legal culpability to be “foisted” on church leaders.

He then cited a hypothetical example of a case involving a woman who was molested by a truck driver.

“It would not be appropriate, because it’s contrary to the policy, for the ownership, leadership of that company to be held responsible,” Cardinal Pell said.

“Similarly with the church and the head of any other organisation.”

This is all about money.

Firstly, the church wanted to just ignore it all, move the paedophile/sex offender/abuser priests around, keep the reputation of the church as a priority, blame the victims, treat the victims in highly abusive ways, keep it all quiet, not contact the police and use the Church’s Lawyers to be complete shameless bastards against the victims – as has previously been proven by the Royal Commission with Cardinal Pell guilty of this.

Now, they can’t keep it all quiet, they have no choice but admit what is occurring and now the concern is all about $$$$.

And don’t think this is just the Catholic Church, it isn’t. It happens in other denominations too.

I have already stated, there is an insidious evil running rampant through organised Christianity, where perpetrators of abuse are enabled, encouraged protected and raised up….and the victims are treated in highly abusive ways and traumatised over and over.

And this is not just sexual abuse and child sexual abuse.  This applies to all the physical, emotional, spiritual abuse to children and women in churches like physical discipline to children – which is abuse. Like all the domestic violence enabled and women told not to leave, divorce and they have to stay and put up with it. All the abuse to gay people.

I do not condone any of this. And more importantly, NEITHER DOES GOD. 


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So thankful to be a good example of a real Christian – and to someone famous – Darren Hayes!!

Only in the land of cyber world, could someone famous tell me they love me!

I saw a re-tweet of Darren Hayes who had posted this pic.

So I replied, thinking it would not even be noticed by Darren Hayes…but he tweeted me back.. :-)

Which I’m pretty amazed at! But, very thankful, to know that people understand that not all those who claim to be ‘Christians’ – are homophobic, abusive people. Continue reading


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My blog, is not a community sounding board to slag off God.

I have received several comments in the last few days, most of which I have not approved – slagging me off, and God – for my faith.

Please know, I will discuss the issues that go on within Churches where the Bible is abused, people are abused. I see this and this is very wrong. Sadly church people abuse others and this is wrong and I do not condone it. But that is due to who they are as people, not due to God.

But this is NOT – I repeat NOT – a community to slag off God, say He does not exists, or slag off His Word.

That deeply offends my soul and to slag me off in the process – insinuating I am stupid, deluded etc – is offensive too.

My faith is rock solid, my relationship with Jesus is rock solid.

This blog is about healing from abuse – not somewhere for people to vent their anti-God issues.


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One thing for sure North Pine Baptist Church, taught me alot about ‘not’ to do.

I am not going to thank them – I don’t believe in thanking allowing evil to occur. That’s thanking Satan – and that’s never going to happen.

But, the best lessons to learn are always from bad occurring. And all the abuse occurring within that ‘church’ has sure highlighted to me so many issues that occur there and within other churches, especially in these abusive conservative, right wing, churches, who are not Biblical, not Godly.

And I have support about this.

There are SO many things I have learned, by personal experience and by watching them all in action.

And I ‘knew’ in my soul so much was wrong. Thank you Jesus <3

It has equipped me with so much to be able to help others who have been abused by church people and that is because I am willing to learn and listen and wish to grow in God's wisdom, and He knows that. Continue reading


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So blessed, someone made us meals & received a donation of $100 !

I’ve set up a GofundMe account to help with the publishing costs of my first book.

http://www.gofundme.com/chp1jc

I only set it up yesterday and I have already received a donation and an incredibly generous one of $100!! I was so surprised and so thankful, I cried! I am such a sook :-)

My husband is a police officer and has told a few others in work and one very kind police officer, brought meals and cupcakes in for us! She’s a lovely woman, I’ve met her a few times and she’s having problems with her teenager who has been suicidal, so knows how hard this all is to deal with.

What amazing blessings and I know that’s you God and I praise you deeply for this <3 <3 <3

in my last email to my doctor, I wrote how I know God loves me and will always provide all I need. Including the strength the cope and heal, and whatever else is needed.

It’s amazing to think I nearly ended my life less than a week ago, and here I am now sat with my children playing and giggling together – that sound being my favourite in the world, feeling deeply blessed by people who I don’t even know!

Wow. I have no more words.

Wow!!! :-)

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