Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Complex PTSD is an isolating, severe, exhausting disorder ~ Lilly Hope Lucario





Complex PTSD is a very isolating, exhausting and devastating severe illness.
The psychiatric equivalent of cancer.
It affects every part of your life, magnifying every problem intensely and affecting daily function.
PTSD is a very severe, but normal reaction to severe abnormal trauma.
But, there are days, weeks, when I feel so far from normal.
I am so aware of how differently I think, how people who don’t have it, can’t understand.
Complex PTSD affects every relationship/friendship I have, with my husband, my children, my friends.
I can’t work.
I can’t even function well often.
I feel guilt, shame and blame on a daily basis, that I know I not mine to feel, but I feel anyway.
It ruins friendships, because people expect normal reactions, from someone with a severe psychiatric illness and when it becomes too difficult, they abandon you, even if they caused the problems.
Non PTSD people, have no idea the impact they cause when they hurt someone with Complex PTSD.
Complex PTSD makes you never want to trust anyone, because every time you do, you get hurt and the cost is too high.
Complex PTSD makes you not want to carry on living sometimes.
Complex PTSD causes anger and hurt and pain on a daily basis that is so overwhelming it causes me to just numb and go into robot mode, because the pain of living with the emotions daily, is unbearable.
Complex PTSD is a devastating, life threatening, exhausting, disabling, isolating, extremely painful severe psychiatric illness, that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
If you feel like this, please know I understand and please seek help, with a therapist trained in complex trauma.
It does require specialized, professional therapy.
It doesn’t get better with time, by itself.

For more info about Complex PTSD and Complex Trauma – see my Website @


Three years after writing this blog…..I’m going to add to this, that by attending therapy every week, by working really hard on my healing, by doing much trauma processing and much grieving…. I am able to function better, I am finding the hard times are shorter, I can manage my emotions better. I am able to speak about the abuse, without being triggered as much. My capacity to express what I am thinking and feeling, has increased. There is less fear.

There is hope.

There is healing.

It’s hard…… but it’s worth it.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

35 thoughts on “Complex PTSD is an isolating, severe, exhausting disorder ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. It’s good to look back and reflect on older posts like this, and see how far I have come.
    This post was an old post I had written on my community healing page, months before I added it here.
    I added old posts here to keep track of my blogging.
    I look back at these older posts and see how I felt then and where I am now and the healing that has occurred.
    So, for anyone reading blogs like this one (and I can see by the stats this post is read often), have hope for things to get better, because they can, I have.
    I have clarity, strength, no confusion, my emotional state is so much stronger.
    Praise God, for His healing is awesome and for providing professional people in my life helping me to heal also.

    • God bless you for putting this post and this update here. I am 40 as well and have just begun my healing journey. Again, God bless you for sharing and helping. I wish you every happiness.

      • I agree with Nola. Thank you for the update – my young adult son and I both suffer from it – my heart aches for him – your original post was enlightening and your update gave hope . Blessing to all who are suffering with this.

    • Thank you for sharing your journey.

  2. I feel for you with the post traumatic stress disorder, I’m suffering too (not complex though). But I wouldn’t praise God for the healing or the professionals. God’s will is not to have suffering just so people can “heal” from it and praise Him. That’s the work of the Devil. God’s will is not to have a society where you are in situations that cause PTSD. Again, the work of the Devil. The Devil is in essence God, but a false God, who you should not (emphasis on not) be praising. But the person who you should be praising is yourself. I hope you continue to make progress.

  3. Pingback: Complex PTSD is an isolating, severe, exhausting disorder. | Diary of a PTSD Survivor

  4. You have hit the nail on the head. I currently cannot work. I tried for many years to fight my way through work and stayed exhausted. I have come to the conclusion that I just can no longer make work work for me and I am in the process of trying to gain my social security disability. Admitting that I can no longer function or force myself to has been almost as hard as it has been fighting the disease itself.

    It took many years to get the correct diagnosis, and when it was finally found it was a relief. I am lucky in the fact that I have a very good support system within my family and friends. Not everyone has that because when we isolate we sever many relationships.

    • I’m 26 with Complex-PTSD and beginning to look at my trauma, in therapy. I haven’t been able to work for ten years and I had 4 family members completely abandon me last year, one of whom was my primary abuser, which was my father. the other three began abusing me all over again after i disclosed the over 20 years of abuse my dad put me and mom through. every day now is lonelier than the last and I feel like dying is the only way out. I’m…pretty much friendless, and I usually go without human contact for at least a month before the next time I get a hug or anything. I’m too scared, yet profoundly alone. I just wanted to tell this.

      thanks for the article.

      • Can hear and understand clkearly what your saying just one trustworty doesn’t hav top be awash with sympathy just understand if many state changes that happen in a day.and point od contact shud dying becomewe a fixation in our minds

      • ill be your friend man. family isnt what we remember hoping it would be. sometimes, we havent developed the complex skills, associated with maintaining a healthy, self loving perspective, when they, as our primary sources of identity and strength, are gone (or have left us abandoned). I cant procure any definitive solutions. no one can. but i do know, if we are in a place to accept attention from others, it feels good to accept it, and to engage in it, and to use it as a reflection of our own capacity to give others a smile, a hope, a memory of who we are: of how beautiful and important we can be at any moment. isolation is not necessarily the cause for loneliness. that makes you the culprit for your problem. it is instead, an outcome that then becomes a cause in the catch 22 of a tragic life, where someone who doesnt deserve to live without love, is left longing for what they once knew so well. stay humble, refrain from being a burden, and seek out a friend, even friends, that you know make you happy because they listen to you and your ideas about the world, rather than about yourself or your condition. then keep that gratification inside as an inspiring force to meet with those friends again until it is their desire to see you, until they begin to miss those qualities that you are missing in yourself. my best goes out to you Eian. whomever and wherever you may be.

    • I hope that you will be able to feel stronger, to return to work, and be more active in life….

  5. I’m 50 and diagnosed with complex PTSD, a mood disorder, severe depression and psychosis. Ive carried this for almost 50yrs and I pray that god takes me soon.

  6. I think a very important element is victim-blaming, particularly secondary victimization; also there is people deliberately taking advantage of vulnerability for power. We live in a very competitive society, and victims are blamed rather than supported; all my life, I would be blamed for my problems, and even “treatement” was simply a euphemism for “crazy” or other put-down. It’s all about power and cruelty, where even children are expected to fend for themselves; and eventually I just got accused of “manipulating,” and was subjected to such horrible experiences like mental incarceration and domestic violence with no support or protection, just more insults and blame.
    I just learned to hide everything to avoid more labeling, since they’ll use everything against you; and every day I face a thousand humiliations of feeling like a second-class citizen with a lifetime of scars, and the threat of more every day.

  7. Reblogged this on 18mitzvot: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend this blog. and commented:
    Excerpt (Copyright to the Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD):
    It [CPTSD] ruins friendships, because people expect normal reactions, from someone with a severe psychiatric illness and when it becomes too difficult, they abandon you, even if they caused the problems.
    Non PTSD people, have no idea the impact they cause when they hurt someone with Complex PTSD.
    Complex PTSD makes you never want to trust anyone, because every time you do, you get hurt and the cost is too high.

  8. Currently in therapy, and this is my DX. The shear amount of pain, being unable to work, unable to explain to family/friends… This shit is too much, I would wish it upon no one.

  9. I love everyone here, and I feel for you, and thank you for doing this blog, it’s great. This makes sense, intrusive thoughts, perceptions that are totally off base and a feeling of not quite ready for prime time with others who don’t get it is a constant, to the point that I have distanced myself from pretty much everyone. One thing I notice as my numbness thaws and I get my feelings back I am MORE sensitive and unable to handle even a tiny bit of stress without going numb to handle it. I do think this will last the rest of my life and the best I can do is recognize the triggers and avoid them. Abuse is a brain changer and PTSD is the aftermath once you get away from the people who had you brainwashed. Without a sense of spirituality I never would have made it this far. But, like you, I know a gentle life is the best thing I can do for myself.

    • Yes -it has taken me 44 years to know a gentle, chaos free life, is absolutely what we need and aids the healing process.❤

    • I do believe that this is something that you have for life as well, very sad to say! I have this from my family of origin, and I believe I was better off “not knowing” why life has not worked out well for me. There is no enough support for any type of trauma, unless you are totally disabled, and on disability/other, cannot work.
      I have spirituality also………but wonder how much better life can get! It is SO isolating…..I hope before my life is over, there is more understanding on how to TREAT and/or have a society that cares about this type of issue.
      Thanks for your post

      • Mary, thank you. I have found relief from the isolation and like minded souls in a group called CoDA. See if there is one in your area, it’s free, beats the Hell out of one on one therapy and the healing and isolation dissolve like an ice cube on a hot griddle. Good luck, honestly, I have never felt better since finding them. It’s an amazing alchemy that takes place in the way the sharing of stories works. You begin to see yourself in everybody’s story and the isolation ends. No more are you stuck in the Ozzie & Harriet phony world of family denials that make you feel like odd person out. Good luck to you my friend.

  10. My c-ptsd has crippled me my entire life. 51 years..since I was 3. I’m still having to start over.. divorce, layoffs,…I can’t develop close relationships. I don’t trust others. Hoping EMDR will help.

  11. I need help i dont want to live like this but i cant n wont seek help because i trust noone

  12. I so feel this . This is my life on a daily basis .
    Its not living its surviving

  13. My therapy is focused on compassion for myself. Slowly, one day at a time I am learning to love myself. The critical voice that has dominated my thoughts for years is slowly losing control as I tell it everyday to hush. I didnt choose this trauma so the blame and shame is not mine to carry. This alone is exhausting, but this is where it begins. When i remember there is nothing I can do that will make God love me more and nothing that I can do to make God love me less…I can breath. I almost feel peace as the world disappears for a moment.

  14. I kind of feel peace reading this, amidst all my other unstable and insane emotions, because we all know we aren’t the only ones with this disorder, but actually getting to know it directly from another person makes me feel like I’m really not alone, that it is possible to carry on beacuse you can see that other people could carry on as well, even though every day I wake up to ask myself “why am i still getting up?”. I still can’t gather my courage to look for help, but reading all this coming from all of you encourages a lot. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and for all the support.

  15. Pingback: Another voice | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

  16. Dear Lilly
    Thank you for giving me hope


  17. Thank you all for sharing. I have found that tapes with subliminal messages for self love and compassion listened to regularly for at least three weeks do help quite a bit. Listening to music, especially classical music is very soothing too. I wish all of us courage and hope.

  18. You have a disclaimer that we can’t share what you have written? So sad because my sister struggles with this also and I wanted to share this with her. Don’t you want awareness? Please reconsider, the more this is talked about as a psychological and physiological connection to PTSD and autoimmune disease the better for the patient to start seeking treatment and give family and friends a better understanding.

    • Lisa, the posts can all be shared, using the share buttons at the end of each blog.
      What I don’t want, is people taking my work and claiming they wrote it, and not stating where they found it.
      I have had many people stealing my work and taking credit for it. This is why copyright was needed.
      Most of my work will be going into my book, which is another reason copyright is very important.
      Please feel free to share using the share buttons.

  19. Im so relieved to read what you just wrote You took the words straight out of my mouth I have had complex ptsd ever since i became pregnant with my only daughter that was 19yrs ago I finally reached out for help once my daughter turned 18 out fear they would want wellness checks n i did not want any of my mind problems to affect her n her childhood I just spent the last 7 months with the most amazing therapist who for the first time in 19 yrs the CLARITY N UNDERSTANDING OF MYSELF I never thought i would ever have

  20. I am so grateful to find your site. I’ve been experiencing severe, nearly debilitating symptoms the last few weeks that I only yesterday was able to understand were the cPTSD. My therapist and I have talked about it a long time, but I just wasn’t making the connection. I think I didn’t realize how connected the exhaustion and fatigue could be to maintaining some semblance of normality (HA) in public. I’m feeling so incredibly lost and alone and isolated (but with absolutely no desire to connect) – this is so incredibly scary. Thank you so much for being there.

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