Complex PTSD is a very isolating, exhausting and devastating severe illness.
The psychiatric equivalent of cancer.
It affects every part of your life, magnifying every problem intensely and affecting daily function.
PTSD is a very severe, but normal reaction to severe abnormal trauma.
But, there are days, weeks, when I feel so far from normal.
I am so aware of how differently I think, how people who don’t have it, can’t understand.
Complex PTSD affects every relationship/friendship I have, with my husband, my children, my friends.
I can’t work.
I can’t even function well often.
I feel guilt, shame and blame on a daily basis, that I know I not mine to feel, but I feel anyway.
It ruins friendships, because people expect normal reactions, from someone with a severe psychiatric illness and when it becomes too difficult, they abandon you, even if they caused the problems.
Non PTSD people, have no idea the impact they cause when they hurt someone with Complex PTSD.
Complex PTSD makes you never want to trust anyone, because every time you do, you get hurt and the cost is too high.
Complex PTSD makes you not want to carry on living sometimes.
Complex PTSD causes anger and hurt and pain on a daily basis that is so overwhelming it causes me to just numb and go into robot mode, because the pain of living with the emotions daily, is unbearable.
Complex PTSD is a devastating, life threatening, exhausting, disabling, isolating, extremely painful severe psychiatric illness, that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
If you feel like this, please know I understand and please seek help, with a therapist trained in complex trauma.
It does require specialized, professional therapy.
It doesn’t get better with time, by itself.
For more info about Complex PTSD and Complex Trauma – see my Website @
Three years after writing this blog…..I’m going to add to this, that by attending therapy every week, by working really hard on my healing, by doing much trauma processing and much grieving…. I am able to function better, I am finding the hard times are shorter, I can manage my emotions better. I am able to speak about the abuse, without being triggered as much. My capacity to express what I am thinking and feeling, has increased. There is less fear.
There is hope.
There is healing.
It’s hard…… but it’s worth it.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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