Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Never throw your pearls before swine.

I had a very recent traumatic, distressing situation of trusting the wrong people.

I trusted them with my life events, all my past details and more importantly with my vulnerability. I didn’t listen to my gut instincts with these people. I liked them, but I should never have trusted them.

As my counsellor said ‘You threw your pearls to swine’. And she’s right. Continue reading

Always being led to somewhere better.

My whole life has been about being led to better.

I have been going to Church with my family for 4 years. I’ve only truly been a Christian in the real sense, for about 6 months, as in believing God loves me, and giving Jesus the reigns in my life, accepting I truly need to do this, as in my own understanding and strength, I fail.

Within this four year period alone, God has allowed things to occur, that have revealed what I needed to see clearly and has led us to better. Continue reading

C’est La Vie

I have my favourite jumper on today – it says ‘C’est La Vie’ on it.

My life is my life, my past is what is was. But my past isn’t in the past, it is in my life every day. And it is involuntarily in my head every day.

Life is really hard. It’s horrendous in fact. There’s no denying it. I can’t put a good spin on it anymore. It is was it is and I have endured far more than my share of suffering. Thinking anything else just invalidates my life, my past, which is no longer my past, as it is in my present, every day, involuntarily, as I have severe Complex PTSD, made worse by my refusal for 20 years to be a victim. Being strong, my failure to deal with my past and efforts to just move on with my life, made my current circumstances worse.

Yes, there’s good, but it doesn’t make up for the suffering.

Only spending eternity with God, will make up for it and that I know I am promised and will do whatever I can in this life, to fulfil the purposes God requires of me and is working on me to fulfil. Continue reading

When God shuts one door, He always opens a better one.

I am aware I am a really strong person, I had to be to survive all I have. I am aware God created me with a level of courage and strength that would ensure I survived horrendous things.

It is entirely through God’s grace and love that I am here, in one piece, able to deal with my PTSD, and getting up every morning to deal with what many couldn’t. And I know God has purpose in me, in using that for good.

This strength and courage, plus added highly skilled hyper vigilance required to survive, means I can spot weakness in people, I can sense when things are not right and are not being dealt with appropriately. Continue reading


A heart of gratitude really make a huge difference.

Having severe Complex PTSD, which also means severe depression, plus FMS and fatigue, is a very challenging, daily, massive load. One which most people cannot comprehend unless they have endured it and all the trauma that causes it. I have literally given up expecting most people to understand.

It is very easy to get swallowed up by the depression, give in to the fatigue and be crushed completely by the massive amount of grieving.

But, one thing I know, is there are always good things to be thankful for. I am aware I could write pages of the good thing in my life, especially when I have been to third world countries and witnessed myself the amount of poverty there is in the world. Continue reading


What I have learned over the last four painful, emotional months.

My hyper vigilance skills are accurate and I know why. I needed them to survive. These skills have turned into excellent discernment skills when I know people and have studied them, as I do, unconsciously.

My integrity to my values, when severely tested, are maintained.

Even when I could publicly vindicate myself of any wrong doing, I didn’t, because it would have been the wrong thing to do. Continue reading


People always want me to stay quiet.

Throughout my life, I have endured harm, and been told to keep quiet. Been threatened about what will happen if I don’t.

Everyone has always wanted me to keep quiet and not speak up, not defend myself, not say – this is not okay.

Bad things will happen if you speak up – was what they all said in the past. I was taught that bad things are already happening, but if you speak up, worse things will happen. Continue reading


Big decision, and some peace….

My doctor and counsellor have both been helping me through some difficult and highly distressing issues, connected to my faith journey.

Both have suggested several weeks back, I attend a different Church, with reasons why.

My doctor has also suggested I attend a course next year for Bible studies geared towards women’s ministry, because she knows my deep desire to help others particularly those who have suffered abuse and have mental health disorders, like myself. Continue reading

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I am aware my critical inner voice, is the devil tempting me.

I am a Christian, not a very good one, I make no claims to be a mature Christian. I am aware I have much to learn.

But, one thing I am very aware of, is the spiritual battle going on in any of us who claim Jesus to be our Saviour. I am not demonic, I am not possessed by the devil, but I know the devil tempts us.

My ‘critical inner voice’ started young in childhood. The message I got growing up, was that I am bad, responsible for anything bad, even responsible for my siblings abuse. Continue reading


Why I cannot handle being told I am ‘demonic’, ‘a child of the devil’, by abusive ‘Christians’.

There are Christians who wrongly believe mental health is demonic. There are Christians who will live and die on the sword of Bible quotes, to back up their opinions.

There are many Christians who believe mental health disorders like Schizophrenia & Multiple Personality Disorder are demonic possession. They are wrong.

Many Christians are highly deluded people, who truly believe they are ‘better’ than others, are ‘know it alls’ and often know very little, their sheltered lives affording them little wisdom and depth of character. Yes, they can quote Bible verses, but not with any depth of true wisdom and understanding. Continue reading