Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

What are you having for your Birthday!!??? EMDR….


Tomorrow I start EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization & Re-processing. It’s an exposure PTSD therapy.

It’s also my Birthday tomorrow.

I could have delayed starting the EMDR, but I have had a couple of month’s worth of delays, due to some pretty distressing events occurring. So, being as dedicated as I am in my healing process, my Birthday just has to take a back seat. Hey, I’ll have another one next year.

I am pretty nervous about EMDR. Actually, I need to re-phrase that, I am VERY nervous about it. If it wasn’t for the fact that my PTSD symptoms are so bad, that it affects my life in a severe way, I wouldn’t be doing it at all.

I know – I research everything – EMDR, was not created by its inventor Francine Shapiro, for complex trauma, or multiple trauma. Or for people with dissociation issues. My situation and trauma history is so far form the ideal for the chances of it working, and there are risks. I know from PTSD forums, of cases where the survivors brains being permanently damaged by EMDR. I am assuming this was someone who used it incorrectly.

So, I have to ‘trust’ my therapist. Trust – that good old word that really does not come into a complex trauma survivor’s vocabulary, or indeed ability, particularly when needing to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable, trusting someone, not easy for me at all. Scares the crap out of me, to be frank.

I still don’t know if I can go through with it. I am praying for strength, if it is indeed what I need to do, to help heal.

I know I don’t ‘have to’. I am in control of my therapy and I know if I say I am not okay with it, we do something else. But, I know my ability to avoid things I find too difficult. And so does my brain – with dissociation….

Just thinking about it now, is making my anxiety go up.

Tomorrow, is going to be an interesting day for sure.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “What are you having for your Birthday!!??? EMDR….

  1. Please keep us posted, I was looking into this myself. You and I have some of the same sets of issues and I haven’t gone that route because I’m very anxious about the prospect as well.

  2. I will post about how it is going. I know I will be doing EMDR for many months, if it’s working. I hope it does!