Accepting who I am now, and letting go of the old ‘pre Complex PTSD crash me’, is still on ongoing process.
I know I am grieving the old me that is gone. The old me that will never return, because too much change has occurred.
The old me was highly functioning, totally independent, working, could support myself, needed to rely on no-one, coped with hurt, coped with life, coped with so much.
That me, is gone and I know I needed this healing to occur.
I need to love the new me.
The me who can’t cope well with people hurting me.
The me that is not highly functioning and can’t work.
The me that needs help.
The me that needs people.
The me that can’t be the perfect wife or mother.
The me that struggles with anxiety.
The me that has the impacted lifestyle, with reduced abilities and activities.
The me that struggles to get through the day.
The me that accepts my past, even though it hurts deeply.
The me that is learning humility in accepting all this, even though it creates fear in me.
I need to view who I am now, positively, with self love and not allow other’s opinions of me to determine who I am, at all, in any way.
I need a positive list that reflects who I am now.
Now the old me is gone.
I am becoming the new me, that God wants me to be, so I shouldn’t be afraid. But I am.
So, I am clearly still grieving the old me.