Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Always being led to somewhere better.

My whole life has been about being led to better.

I have been going to Church with my family for 4 years. I’ve only truly been a Christian in the real sense, for about 6 months, as in believing God loves me, and giving Jesus the reigns in my life, accepting I truly need to do this, as in my own understanding and strength, I fail.

Within this four year period alone, God has allowed things to occur, that have revealed what I needed to see clearly and has led us to better.

Two years ago, my husband was unfairly made redundant from his place of work. At the time, I was highly stressed, being a major worrier when it comes to money and we have struggled financially for the last 2 years, while my husband went through the process of being accepted into the police academy, and through the 7 month academy training.

During this process of applying, my husband hurt his knee and required surgery, and this delayed his process longer, and cost a considerable amount of money, again causing me considerable stress and this was entirely due to me not trusting God with providing what we needed, and also due to the onset of my Complex PTSD ‘breakdown’.

Through this whole process, we were being led to something better that God wanted for us. He indeed knew better. My husband is now settled into his police role, doing really well and enjoying it. They have been great about needing to remain local in postings, as I need to be near my counselling centre. It is a good, secure job and for this we are truly thankful.

My son was at a school 3 years ago, where he was being bullied over a long period. We dealt with this appropriately, by informing the head teacher. The situation was not dealt with well by the school and my son became very anxious and it was affecting him greatly.

Once again, it became revealed how the school were lacking in appropriate bullying processes and knowing this was unlikely to change, we made the decision to change schools.

My son immediately changed, became much happier, much more relaxed, his personality went back to normal and his academic grades improved. The school is far better than the previous one.

This shows again, how God has provided what my family needs. Praise God!

Last year, I attempted to speak of my trauma history, for the first time. It was only due to literally having a breakdown that I knew I had to speak about it and not suppress it all any longer. The counselling I received, was totally inadequate and inappropriate and this worsened me situation, but did lead to me gaining counselling with my doctor and my counsellor, both of whom, are another massive gift in my life and I know this process, whilst extremely painful, did lead me to where I needed to be.

The Church we have been attending for the last 4 years, has it’s issues. A senior person there not following appropriate and known guidelines and procedures, caused me hurt and harm and I only later found out why and that lies had been told to me and others, things hidden and wrong intentions has been exposed. This became a huge drama, of which I stood up for myself, and produced evidence, which this person was very angry about and more hurtful lies were told. Justifications, more denial and little self reflection on their part were evident, plus condoning of this by another senior leader. My ‘mental health’ became the scapegoat and no remorse, no appropriate responses, no full admittance and no apology was made.

My husband and I, following discussions over previous weeks with my professional support, made the decision to leave the Church, as weak leadership and inability and lack of dealing with hurt fairly, not being something I can, or need to tolerate.

I know this has all been allowed and revealed for a reason, to show us the fakeness, the heart issues, the denial, the weakness, and to lead to somewhere better, a new Church, with stronger leadership, where we will receive as a family the genuine support and guidance and teachings we need.

It has also allowed me to realise my mistakes in my vulnerability, being too honest with people, trusting people too much and more importantly – not trusting my gut instincts I already knew about these people. My vigilance skills are accurate and having this as discernment, plus knowing better boundaries, will be of great use to me in the future, to not make the mistakes I made with these people.

It has also made me realise why I have not yet been baptised – because that Church was not where this needs to occur. I am glad I didn’t go ahead with being baptized there, and I look forward to this, when the time is right.

God consistently shows, proves and displays His unending love for me and my family.

His love I do trust in.

I know all these things are not just luck, or coincidence.

It is my continued prayer that we be led, guided where is needed and for God’s purposes.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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