Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Impulse control, guarding my mouth and what I write, all increasing.

It’s interesting that over the last 3 days, I have written several blog posts, all of which I would have posted a few months back, but I just knew I needed to write them, get it out, but not post them here, because I know by my stats who will be reading what I write here.

I could feel that pull to not post the blogs, not do what I normally do, which is just write whatever is on my mind. Praise God!

I know this is self control increasing. I know myself well enough, to know this even a few months back, would have not been possible. My impulse control and need to be completely up front, totally (often self sacrificially) honest are not for my own good.

I have prayed for self control in what I write, in what I speak and for how I express my journey, I have cut way back on how much time I spend on my community page, for many reasons, one being to resist the temptation to write too much there.

Impulse control, has always been something I have struggled with, so I am glad to feel this changing in me.

I know this change is not my doing, I know how I have been for the last 41 years and I know my own capabilities. Honesty and integrity I have. Impulse control I am honest and self aware enough to say, has needed improving and it has.

For me to write several blogs in a row and not post any of them, that is much improvement in self control for me. I am very aware of how not perfect I am.

I yearn to grow, to develop into all God wants me to be. To be filled with the Holy Spirit and led by Him continually.

And I have considerable self insight, to know this is increasing.

Praise God!

How can you tell someone is being led by the Holy Spirit and in obedience to God?

By the fruits they bear.

Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
The fruits of the spirit are ongoing developing changes in heart, mind through obedience to God.

I’ve been told mine are continually developing and quickly and I can feel it and God knows the one thing a desire the most, is to be led by Him, by the Holy Spirit. And I know without any doubt, this is God’s work in me. Continue reading

Abuse from pastors within the Baptist Churches, not uncommon, sadly.

It’s really sad to read how much abuse from pastors goes on in the Baptist Churches, due to their ‘in-house’ way of dealing with things and cover ups, bit like the way abuse is dealt with so badly within the Catholic Church.

In fact, when I did a search entitled ‘pastor abuse, nearly all the first few pages of links were Baptist Church related, not Catholic Church related, which was interesting.

Downloaded and read a very interesting document from an Australian State Baptist Church Union titled; Continue reading


It’s my sister’s Birthday today. And I truly hope she has a good day.

I have no contact with my blood family. I have appropriate and much needed boundaries in place to ensure the toxic and scape goating abuse, started by our parents, conditioned into my siblings, stops.

This boundary, was the first healthy boundary I have ever enforced with my blood family.

This doesn’t mean I don’t love my siblings, or my mother. I do, despite everything. But I know I don’t have to have them in my life. And this is good self care. Continue reading

Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing…..Are they ‘praying’ or ‘preying’.

I didn’t realise this wolf/sheep analogy was a Bible verse;

Matthew 7:15-17- “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.” ESV Continue reading

Transference in a Counselling Situation. Real,….or just another big excuse?

It’s interesting that any excuse can be used for situations, by liars, who don’t have the courage to admit their own failings.


This is the clients emotions and feelings from past relationships where there were psychological issues within the relationship, transferred to the counsellor.

I have a female counsellor who is older than myself, and I start to view and treat that counsellor as my mother, because of the former psychological problems within my own mother/daughter relationship as a child. Continue reading

My trust and faith in God is rock solid. His love and integrity never fails, unlike many.

Throughout the last 5 months, when considerable hurt and betrayal has occurred, not once have I had any doubts in God.

I know, truly know that God loves me, deeply. I have always had his protection, his love, his grace. He has seen and felt the depths of my suffering, He knows every single second of it.

He also knows what is occurring now, is deeply unjust. He will be angry at people who claim to be Godly people, failing and betraying a hurt person.

But, at no time have I wavered in my knowledge that God is working in this. I know He has used me to bring to the surface, the sins and bad hearts that were hidden amongst lies, deceit, egos, fake images, bad hearts and abusing positions meant to be about trust and integrity. Continue reading

Compiling evidence, is something that has made me feel physically sick.

In an ongoing situation, a formal complaint is now under way. Not by my doing, by this person’s boss.

When I look back at all the messages I have, all the things that were said and done, knowing what I know now, that I didn’t know at the time it was all occurring, it makes me feel sick. Continue reading


Ballet certificates, my only item I have from my childhood and a huge emotional connection.

I truly love dance, it was my first passion and something that holds a considerable emotional connection, I know I will never lose.

At the age of 8 – 12, I attended ballet, tap and jazz dance lessons.

During this exact period in my life I attended these dance lessons, I was also being sexually abused by a family friend/neighbour. One of the several abusive people my parents were friends with in their circle.

Dance became my escape, a way to express my emotions. I wasn’t able the verbalise what was happening to me, due to fearing I would be taken away from my family, as were the threats. I didn’t think anyone would believe me, as were also the threats made to keep me quiet, keep me from ‘telling’. Continue reading


Why those who remain neutral, who don’t support the victim, are wrong.

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation.
We must always take sides.
Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.
Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

Elie Wiesel – Holocaust concentration camp survivor, 1986 Nobel Peace prize winner, political activist, humanitarian and award winning author.

When people support the perpetrator of harm/abuse, when they chose to support their friendship/relationship with someone who had caused harm to another, when they don’t support the victim, when they remain neutral – they are making themselves as wrong/sinful as the perpetrator. Continue reading