There are different traits within narcissism, and we all have varying degrees of it, but the most common traits in people with high levels of narc traits, is the inability to accept they are wrong, and inability to see they need to change.
Pride, insecurity, lack of insight and self reflection – common narc traits, along with lying, deflecting, attacking.
I have encountered so much of this in life now, that I can sense it and spot it a mile away.
My parents were narcissists, unable to take responsibility for wrongs and abuse caused to their own children. They lied about things all the time, blamed, projected issues, and chose a scapegoat, me. I was an easy target.
My mother used to say that her husband was a man of pride. He wasn’t, he was a man of deep insecurities and very questionable character, who’s group of friends were all weirdo’s – all into either guns, abusing children/teenagers, or both. Far too many perverts for friends, but of course, that would never be admitted. And my mother knew what these ‘friends’ were like. But, she would never admit she knew they were weirdo’s either. Even after she saw her husband talking with the paedophile ‘friend’ who already sexually abused her children.
My mother would ‘never’ admit her role, enabling of abuse and lack of love for her children. It was ‘all about her’ and what she needed.
The levels of the abuse I endured due to my mother and step father’s narcissism, was severe. Being blamed at 12, for my siblings abuse, by one of the pervert paedophile family friend/neighbour, was a truly severe level of abuse, that caused considerable psychological damage.
Being blamed for everything else that went wrong in my mother and step father’s life, was also due to their narcissism. Lack of ability to admit failure as business owners, lack of courage to admit working for himself was a big mistake, their business going bankrupt, home being repossessed, all my fault, according to them. It wasn’t, it was all their fault. Entirely. I know that now.
All of my abusers have been unable to take any responsibility for what they did being wrong.
Recently, a pastor at a Church I attended, has been completely unable to admit wrongs, unable to admit lies and is either clearly in such denial, or is so ‘scared’ of admitting how wrong he has been, he can’t cope. Either way, complete lack of courage, lack of decency, lack of self reflection, lack of love and huge amounts of pride, ego and preserving of image.
Him and his wife love being the ones that tell everyone what to do, that’s why he’s a pastor. They love the adoration and need people around them who ‘feed’ their ego. Their closest friends are those who tell them how wonderful they are and ‘need’ them and they lap it up. I knew this a long time ago about them and used to joke with my husband that the quickest way to get their attention, was to tell them something nice about them like ‘I need your wise advice’. They love it, revel in it. They pretend not to, but I have seen it over and over. I see most things about people that others miss.
What I didn’t know was the extent to which they would get nasty when challenged and would outright lie and attack, even when they were completely in the wrong and caused hurt and harm. But, now I do know the extent of their insecurities and nasty side.
Again, their narcissism getting nasty, like my parents.
I even see narcissism in people I know about minor things, they don’t like taking advice, and won’t admit that their chosen decision, was wrong. Instead make excuses or explain it away, which I can see straight through.
I don’t think I have enough narcissism. I don’t believe I know everything, I want to gain more wisdom, I don’t like the spotlight, I don’t have a need to tell people what to do, I don’t lie, I am honest and I can apologise, easily.
I know throughout my life, I have accepted guilt, shame and blame for many things in my life, that weren’t mine to own.
I still blame myself for things that I am told I am not to blame for.
I can apologise when I am wrong, even my husband (who admits himself isn’t good at admitting when he’s wrong either), says I am always quick to admit when wrong about something. In fact, he thinks I am too quick to take the blame for things.
It takes courage, inner wisdom, strength, lack of pride and ‘good mental health’, to admit when you are wrong.
It takes a lack of pride to own up to failures.
It takes a really strong secure person, with inner wisdom, to know they are wrong, admit it to themselves and to others. And I can do this.
Despite all I have been through, my mental health is strong, my inner security is strong, my inner wisdom, self reflection, insight, courage, honesty are all deep.
But so many people don’t have these to any depth.
So many people are shallow, insecure and have far more narcissism than is healthy.
Narcissism is a society wide issue that exists to a far greater extent than most people realise.
I have narc ‘radar’ and I see clearly how badly it affects these narc people’s ability to see themselves clearly.
Narcs, are dishonest and insecure at the root of their being.
I don’t like narcs, and yet I have to co-exist with them all around me.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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