Children who grow in dysfunctional environments, who didn’t form the appropriate bonds, or normal relationships with parents and are abused, often continue on in adulthood looking for people to find those connections/bonds with.
This leads to the now adult survivor wanting people they perceive they can trust – to be trustworthy in the way the parent should have been. And that isn’t appropriate.
I know whenever have tried to trust people, I want to be able to trust them in the way I should have been able to trust my parents. So, I project expectations onto the trust in the relationship, that the person can never live up to and if they do let me down, I feel the betrayal and hurt deeply.
It is also not appropriate, because I am no longer a child and I cannot find that bond, that childlike complete trust a young child has for their parents, in anyone.
Once I realised this is what I had been searching for, and why, I realised my ‘all or nothing’ trust behaviours, needed to change.
Especially after a very clear example of this recently showed me I cannot trust anyone 100%, as I got very hurt when I did that. Even though that person was someone I should have been able to trust, as I am reminded of often. But, whilst painful, I learned many much needed lessons.
So, I have learned what is an appropriate level of trust, that needs to built slowly and carefully.
I have stopped searching for people to have my childlike trust in. God is my heavenly Father, and it is Him I can put my childlike trust in.
But, I am grieving the loss of not having that normal childlike innocent trust/bond, as I never experienced it with my own parents.
I have accepted I will never fill that void of not having a normal child/parent relationship. And that was incredible hard to accept, very painful and hurt badly.
And it is okay to feel that pain, it is needed to heal.
It is part of grieving loss. And I have much loss to grieve.