Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Abusive, narcissistic religious hypocrites – and how they deal with their own sins.


It had become very clear to me, that abusive religious hypocrites, will use certain Christian beliefs to their full advantage, for their own needs and to justify themselves and what they want to believe.

I have endured spiritual abuse from a pastor and a Church.

They of course, have, or will have, used the following;

You should forgive and if you don’t, then you are the one sinning.

Well, of course they are going to say that. It’s perfect for them…trot out the old ‘you are not forgiving – so you are at fault – card.

Abusive people will use whatever they can to deflect their blame and will use and abuse scripture to fit their needs. And when ‘they’ do something wrong, sin, abuse – they expect – demand forgiveness – immediately – even when there is no repentance, even when they have continued to sin, with more lies, more denial, more abuse.

You are not showing grace, you are to blame.

Again, perfect for deflecting, but where was the grace shown when they were committing the sins, the abuse? And not just a one-off moment of weakness, I’m referring to planned, deliberate, knowing sin, over a period of months.

And where was their grace shown when they are lying and denying their sins and refusing to repent?

Grace, is giving a person the time and opportunity to deal with their sin. Giving them time to have full repentance and I have shown this.

Grace, is not about excusing abusive behaviour.

Grace, is not about ignoring abusive behaviour.

Grace, is not about allowing someone to lie, attack, deflect.

Grace, is not about condoning and ignoring and enabling someone’s sin and abuse.

They are not in condemnation of their sins, Jesus has already paid the price, on the cross.

Hmmmmm…..well guess what – God requires FULL repentance.

Something so easily forgotten in this deflection, attacking, abusive way of dealing with their own sins.

You are holding onto hate and that is your sin.

Being angry is not hate. When someone has been hurt badly by someone they loved, they trusted, spiritually abused by someone who was only interested in their own earthly desires, someone abusing vulnerability and deliberately, then that victim has a right to be angry.

This anger is ‘righteous anger’ and it needs to be felt.

And forgiveness is a process, many Christians don’t seem to know about or understand. It isn’t just a one time decision to forgive.

Forgiveness for hurt and pain, involves grief. And that grief needs to be felt and it takes time. It is only once those feelings have been processed, that forgiveness can be processed.

You should not talk about this in a public way, that makes you the sinner.

Well, there is so much wrong with this statement.

Firstly, it is Biblical to expose sins.

Secondly, if it leads to people knowing the truth, then I will publish it. I haven’t altered, amended or changed anything, it is as it was stated in messages.

Thirdly, if there was no sinning and abuse going on in the first place, then there would be nothing to publish.

Fourthly, it is Biblical to expect full repentance, honesty and transparency in these matters. None of these have occurred and these people are leaders in a Church.

Fifthly, I am not the sinner in this. I am the victim of spiritual abuse, as stated by my professional support, who do know the details, are highly experienced in psychology and are mature Christians, who’s opinion counts far more than any opinion of any religious hypocrite or spiritual abuser or anyone who thinks condoning, ignoring, minimizing and avoiding the seriousness of this matter is godly. It isn’t Godly at all. It is more spiritual abuse.

And lastly, just because I am a strong woman of integrity, knowing I am being led by the Holy Spirit in this, does not make me the sinner. Exposing the sins of Church leadership does not make me a sinner. It makes me someone who knows when many lies and abuse has occurred, no repentance has occurred and that this needs to be dealt with appropriately, fully, not covered up, whitewashed and not to allow bullies to put me off. God made me stronger than that, and He is using me fully in this, as I have been told.

You have PTSD, so therefore, this must be your fault.

What is sad about this thinking is ‘their mental health’ is poor, because they have much higher levels of narcissism than is healthy.

Narcissism, is a very poor state of mental health. Because they won’t change. It is always ‘someone else’s’ fault.

PTSD is not poor mental health. I have strong mental health. That has been confirmed by both my doctor and counsellor.

The way people deal with their sin, is a true reflection of their heart.

Calling someone ‘demonic’ because that person is angry and hurt at the lies, betrayal and abuse – well that is more spiritual abuse.

A sermon that states ‘If you are angry then you are a child of the devil’ – is wrong, inaccurate, self motivated, Biblically incorrect and proof of that persons lack of faith, poor heart motives and general lack of insight.

Only apologising for calling someone demonic because you know you have to – is more sin. It is not genuine. And is more heart issues.

Using your counselling privilege for your own earthly desires, knowing you have inappropriate, adulterous feelings for a woman who is asking for your help, grooming/seducing this woman who you know is vulnerable and taking advantage of that vulnerability – is abuse and doing this under the name of being a pastor – is spiritual abuse.

True, genuine repentance, is the one the qualities of a real Christian, who is walking with Jesus and has the right heart motives.

And God requires this and He judges those who claim to be ‘teachers of His word’, the harshest.

Their excuses their twisting of scripture to suit their own needs, is more spiritual abuse.

And their ‘sheep like’ followers and supporters, are just as weak.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Abusive, narcissistic religious hypocrites – and how they deal with their own sins.

  1. you want to hear a good one I was told? I was told that if you talk about what happened to you that you really didnt forgive the person. How can this even make sense or be true? thank you for sharing this. I dont understand why some Christians pastors especially have a problem with people that have depression or some kind other kind of mental illness. The church that I attended here only knew that I suffered from severe depression and never the PTSD but they did know about me being abused as a child but then everytime I got upset or tried to confront an issue I got told I was making a big issue out of things and even there were some very sarcastic racist remarks made to me regarding an issue that I had with a woman in the church. and since these conversations were one on one and nobody else heard what was said I decided to leave the church and am no longer in a church. Thank you for posting what you said about Grace. I really loved that. Also, I find that if we do not follow the rules of what the doctrine is preached we are going against God and what He laid out in the Bible and I just simply don’t see that as true.

    • Abusive people will use anything they can to condone, justify, deflect and attack when their own sins are exposed.
      It is Biblical to expose sins and to insist they be dealt with fully, appropriately, justly.
      Jesus calls us to walk with integrity and in a just way.
      I’m glad what I said about grace helped, it also applies to forgiveness.
      ‘Forgiveness and grace’ are always the run to arguments for religious abusers.
      There is far too much abuse condoned and enabled within religion and this is not at all what Jesus modelled.
      Jesus stood up for the oppressed, the weak, the hurt and the abused.
      It’s His life I model my values and integrity on, not sinful men with earthly desires/needs.
      Church doctrine is abusive in many ways.