Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

A very special moment with my son, and thank you God!

Several months back, my son, who is 11, said to me that he had been praying and asking God to help heal my PTSD, but he didn’t think God was listening, as I was still having more severe symptoms, anxiety not as controlled etc.

My son, being a compassionate child, felt God should heal his Mum, and was worried it would never happen. I told him then, that God is listening.

Tonight, when we were talking about what he might pray about when he went to bed (he likes to pray alone), I suggested he thank God for healing his Mum quickly and that did he think that his prayers several months back – God has listened to after all?

My son said, yes God was listening, because you are much better now than you were then. I could feel myself get a little choked up, as I knew this was an important conversation. Continue reading

My abusers, were all victims too. A controversial, but life changing moment of realisation.

I was thinking about this again today, and I knew I had already blogged this.
It is by God’s grace I am able to see these people in a genuinely sad way – sad their lives were so messed up. And very sad they did not have a relationship with God.
Having a heart of compassion, seeing people’s weaknesses and deep unhappiness to want to hurt people, is very sad. I have prayed for all these people.
God will ensure His justice and I truly hope their hearts could be transformed, as I feel very sad for them, thinking of the eternity in hell they will have. Even though these people caused considerable abuse in my life, I am strong, strong in mind, strong in heart and most importantly strong in my faith.
I am healing and fast, God’s grace again, so I know I want this grace for these people, as only God can give. I would much rather blacks hearts be transformed and everyone be saved, than all end up in the fire pit of hell.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I was taking a shower earlier, thinking about stuff, as I do. My mind never stops.

My mind constantly thinking, is good and bad. Rumination, being a negative in some ways, but my ability to not let go of thinking about something, coupled with PTSD not allowing me to let go of something, can have it’s uses. It can be used for good.

I have the ability to put myself in other people’s shoes and view their life, through their eyes, try to feel what they felt.

I’ve done this with my abusers and this was what in my mind while showering. But, I wasn’t upset, I was okay and suddenly it came to my mind. They were all victims of their own minds too.

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What does an apology from a narcissist – who is being forced to apologise look like?

During my conversation about narcissism with my counsellor yesterday, I stated that the apology I had been given at a mediation session, was very telling of someone who is a narcissist.

At this mediation, this person displayed rage, total lack of self insight (narcissistic traits) and knowing he ‘had’ to apologise to me – was this – I remember it clearly – word for word;

“I’m sorry ‘you’ got hurt….”

Typical narcissistic response.

He couldn’t say ‘I’m sorry ‘I’ hurt you”.

My counsellor stated my observation and understanding of this – was absolutely correct, She said this was a very wise and accurate ‘picking up’ on a very telling sign of a fake, forced, narcissistic apology. Continue reading