Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


My motorbike phobia and how I am changing this.

I hate motorbikes. They are huge triggers for me and I know this, so I know I have to work on it.

Just like my gun phobia. I still think is so ironic that my husband is now a cop and carries a gun. I know this is good though, as I have to deal with that phobia too.

My issue with motorbikes, is deep rooted in fear and danger.

The psychopath who went to prison, was into bikes in a big way. For many reasons – he liked speed, he liked ignoring law, he liked following people on them, he liked using them to drive fear into me. Continue reading

Having a little humour does help. And it is healing.

I have had a situation on my community support page blow up about my humour.

I wrote a post there which stated;

‘Anyone know and good self help books for narcissism’. Yes this is a joke.

This received great response from most people, as most people on my page have been hurt and abused by people on the narcissistic/sociopath spectrum.

I rarely post jokes, but occasionally I do, to remind people to find the light hearted side of life. Continue reading


A very powerful poem, about toxic shame from childhood abuse.

I had to share this, as this is one of the most powerful poems, regarding toxic shame I have read.

It is by Leo Booth/John Bradshaw

My Name Is Toxic Shame

I was there at your conception
In the epinephrine of your mother’s shame
You felt me in the fluid of your mother’s womb
I came upon you before you could speak
Before you understood
Before you had any way of knowing
I came upon you when you were learning to walk
When you were unprotected and exposed
When you were vulnerable and needy
Before you had any boundaries
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME Continue reading

I am going to buy myself things that were special from my childhood.

The only thing I have from my childhood, are my ballet certificates. These have a huge emotional and God connection for me.

Ballet and dance, were a gift from God, to help me cope through the child sexual abuse I was enduring. God knew I had no-one to help me, no-one would help me once the abuse stopped. So, He gave me my passion and talent for dance and it became a very necessary coping ability for me then and throughout my life. Continue reading


‘In the lands of gods and monsters, I was an angel, living in the garden of evil.’


This is a line from one of my favourite songs from one of my favourite singers, Lana Del Rey.

Her songs, the deep meaning in them, mirrors my past, my abuse. They have been a part of my healing.

These songs are not Godly songs at all. But they represent a huge part of my life, when there were no Godly people.

I grew up surrounded by evil, I was abused, horrifically, over prolonged periods of time, by several people.

I have a picture of me when I was little, about 3 years old. I was so cute, white blond curly hair, huge eyes, chubby cheeks. I looked like an angel. And I was. Continue reading