Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When you have known true evil, you can pick up on it more easily.

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There are those who will try to say that having PTSD is a kind of mental health disorder that means I am not thinking clearly, my cognitive process is distorted etc.

There are those who will try to say that my ability to pick up on narcissistic traits, is not correct and that I am a traumatised person, who is paranoid and clouded by my abuse trauma history.

They are wrong.

I have been told by my doctor and counsellor, my cognitive ability is excellent, my mental health is very strong and my ability to pick up on red flags in people’s behaviour and actions and words, is skilled discernment, that came from highly skilled hyper vigilance.

Yes, in the past when highly emotional about triggers, I have been emotional and it has triggered previous highly painful emotions, but, I know this was short term, I know why that happens, and it hasn’t happened now for months.

But, these emotions and past feelings, were triggered for a very good reason – because I am able to pick up on narcissistic/sociopath traits, lies, manipulation, people minimizing the situation – basically I am able to pick up on Satan being at work and the people concerned choosing to go with Satan and what he wants, rather than what Jesus would want.

I am able to pick up on certain evil occurring, because I have known a considerable amount of this from my past.

Does this mean my cognitive function is impaired. Well maybe it was, for that very short time I am highly emotional for, I have gone to fight/flight/freeze when this occurs, but this is only very short lived and doesn’t mean that what I was picking up on, wasn’t evil, it is.

And when I am calm, I know what I picked up on, why and what was going on.

I actually consider this to be a gift and I know my deep understanding of the evil that occurs within people on the narcissistic/sociopath spectrum, is for God’s purposes.

I have dealt with narcissism/sociopath hearts, all my life.

My mother and siblings are on this continuum.

My step father was on this continuum.

The psychopath, was really far along that continuum.

The spiritual abuser pastor and his wife, are on this continuum.

I knew these red flags all along, even prior to abuse occurring. I just didn’t trust my ability to detect people’s hearts and true motives.

I can also pick up weakness in people who allow and enable these people, because their discernment is far less, they are easily encouraged by Satan too.

Which is sad, because Satan capitalises on these shallow abilities and weaknesses too and these people don’t even know it.

So, I know my mental health is strong, I know how Satan uses people, had used me with my own weaknesses last year. But, I also God allowed that, with good reason.

I have been told by my doctor and my counsellor my mental health is very strong and they would know, they are highly experienced mental health professionals, who are also very strong Christian women, who have been working with me for a year now.

I also know these are gifts I have, I have been told my discernment ability and how when I pick up on these ‘red flags’, to trust them far more, just sit back and watch people and this is what I do now.

Time is a great revealer of people’s hearts and situation occur that show people’s hearts – like a mediation I endured.

My prayer to be protected from the previous painful emotions I have had and God has answered this and not because I wanted it, but because of His purposes.

God is healing me fast and I know this is His grace and love and also because there is purpose in this, a plan I have no doubt I do not know a fraction of.

I trust His plan, even though I don’t know what it is. And I thank Him for giving me these really strong gifts, my strong mental health, my discernment, my courage, my integrity, my heart that wants only for God’s purposes to be fulfilled and His name be glorified in.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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  1. Pingback: When you have known true evil, you can pick up on it more easily. | justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis