Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I know what some people’s reaction will be, if the person I have complained about, gets sacked. And if he doesn’t.


If wisdom, justice and God’s requirements prevail in the formal complaint I have ongoing, the pastor concerned will be sacked and him and his wife will be removed from ministry. The reason being their hearts are so far from what is required of a teacher of God’s word, no repentance, lying, denying, manipulation, narcissism, abusing pastor counselling privilege, spiritual abuse, failure to have insight and the capacity to change.

I have had to check my heart on this matter and have done this several times, including with my doctor and counsellor. My heart and motives are good and wise.

I know in this matter is, some people will judge my decisions and motives about this being lack of forgiveness, revenge, my mental health etc. They are wrong.

People will judge me on why I am following through with this formal complaint, why it is continually on my mind and heart and I know they are.

If the right and Godly action occurs, and he is stood down form his pastor role and his wife is removed from ministry also, I will be criticised for this, blamed and some will be outraged that this occurred, by people who don’t know all of what occurred.

But, all the way through this matter, these people committed their sins, knowingly, deliberately, over prolonged periods of time and was all of their own free will. So, they also choose the outcome.

Some will criticise me based entirely on their own uninformed opinions, their own selfish needs, and feeling ‘sorry’ for these people.

But, will they actually wonder why? What happened to require this decision to be made?

Also, if he doesn’t get sacked – because Satan fools more people – then some people will say – she must have been lying, she must be crazy, you know she has PTSD.

Some people will say ‘good prevailed’, the ‘right decision’ was made, and it will break my heart to see Satan fooling more people.

This matter isn’t about what he did to me anymore – I have dealt with the hurt and betrayal, it is about how they dealt with their sin, the lies, the manipulation, the denying, Satan winning. Their heart issues were revealed at the mediation for very good reason. And they chose more sin, more lies, more deceit.

But, I am in a lose-lose situation, with many of this Church.

If the right action is taken, I will be criticised.

If the wrong action is taken, I will be criticised.

And I am human, I have feelings, and that hurts, because I am being absolutely honest.

But, my integrity, my understanding of the heart motives of these people, my understanding of how false teachers, ravenous wolves, should not be leaders in a Church, and doing what is right, what is wise, what God requires – courage, integrity, transparency and exposing sin and exposing false teachers, is more important to me, than the criticism I will receive no matter what I do.

The only way most of the people who judge me would have been happy with my actions, was if I just walked away, said nothing, and did nothing, so the status quo of that Church remained.

But, God made me far more courageous than that and gave me integrity and I know God is using me I this.

I know that’s why both my doctor and counsellor have encouraged me and both stated they see me as one of God’s watchmen.

And at the end of the day – what God thinks of me – is all that matters.

But, I will do all I can, to reduce Satan fooling people and to ensure no-one else gets hurt by these spiritual abusers, and that is my heart in this matter.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I know what some people’s reaction will be, if the person I have complained about, gets sacked. And if he doesn’t.

  1. you are lion-hearted!!! I applaud your courage. I too took a church leader to task when he abused his position of power. Its bloody hard – because as you say, with a lot of the congregation its a lose-lose situation. It was heart breaking – I was the topic of whispering and gossip for months, I was confronted by church people who thought they knew the whole story and didn’t – but felt they had the right to tell me what they thought of me in no uncertain terms.
    My story, thankfully, ended well in that the vicar eventually recognised the damage he had done, he came to me with remorse and apologised. He even stood in the pulpit and gave a whole sermon on the subject of loving one another as brothers and sisters – he said that he would no longer tolerate in himself or in any member of the congregation anything but openess and transparency – real love – not anonymous tattle telling and back biting that leads to betrayal and deceit and damage done. He then stepped down from the pulpit and walked the long aisle of the large parish church to the back of the building – where i had started sitting – he silently embraced me in front of everyone, and then returned to the pulpit.
    I was blown away – here was a man of God after all.
    The story doesnt end here though – it took a very strange twist.
    I went to his house the next day, not to talk to him, just to drop a card through his letter box stating how much I appreciated his courage and how difficult that must have been for him to do – and to thank him.
    To my amazement the place was awash with people because he had died from a heart attack that morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I dont know what you make of that but it was astonishing to me.
    But church people can be funny and very quickly some of them began to say that I had killed him – that my not letting rest what was going on had caused him stress and killed him. Some even said that very thing to my 12 year old son.
    It was then I decided I did not find church a very safe place to be and took a hiatus.

    It would be wonderful if your pastor saw the light and did the right thing but it doesnt look like he will – you are right to persevere with the case – and to only care what God thinks and not what church people think – even though it is hard.

    • I am so sorry this all happened to you, and that in the end, his death – which was God’s decision, He gives us life, and He takes it away, was your fault.
      But, I have to say, it doesn’t surprise me at all.
      Religious, judgemental hypocrites are rife throughout Church’s.
      It is so wrong they said that to your son – that is disgusting.
      You following through with not ignoring his sins and abuse, was the right and wise decision to make and is Biblical and what God requires.
      I have learned recently that so many Christians think their decisions are ‘Godly’ and they use Bible verses etc to justify what they want to believe, but actually their decisions are not wise ones, so therefore they are not Godly. Although, they may be ‘religious’ decisions, again they are not wise, so they are not Godly.
      I have no hope of the pastor and his wife admitting to the spiritual abuse, as part of the abuse was grooming/seduction intent for adultery and to admit to that, means they have to admit to their marriage being a mess, and they will not be able to admit that, their ‘image’ is everything to them. It was the only think his wife was worried about at the mediation.
      They have so much to hide and I won’t be protecting them by hiding it.