Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

A sad decision, but one I have to make.


I have been thinking about this for some time.

I have come to a decision regarding the friends that have decided to ignore the hurt they know I am enduring currently and choose other reasons, over supporting me.

I feel that in ignoring the issue, refusing to want to help me deal with it – they are choosing other reasons above being a friend to someone who has made it clear there is abuse that has occurred.

To me, this really is a deal breaker.

I know myself enough to know that I cannot tolerate people not supporting someone who has been abused. And that is exactly what this is. And just because the abuse happens to be from a Church pastor, should not make any difference.

This is a heart issue for me, and I would ‘always’ support a friend who is going through something serious, so their decision to remain neutral, and say they want no part in something serious and painful, is not being a friend.

I would never tell a friend they couldn’t talk to me about something, particularly something serious.

Not supporting people abused – is what keeps abuse going and enables it.

Having moral, emotional and spiritual integrity is important to me, but I have seen and felt too much lack of support in my life, and I only have room in my life for people who have hearts to make the right choice, not ‘what’s expected of them’.

I don’t do what’s expected of me, if I know it’s wrong.

I would not treat my friends this way.

I cannot condone people failing to support someone who has been abused.

So, that is my decision. These people who claim to be friends, will no longer be a part of my life.

I need to protect myself emotionally more than I do and not expect less for myself than I deserve.

I need real friends, friends with integrity, with hearts to do what is right, the courage to help me, even if that may cause ripples in their life, as that is what I would be prepared to do for them.

I don’t have room in my life for shallow friendships.

I need to have a level of trust in people to do the right thing by me, and I have no trust in people who fail to support those who have been abused.

Sad decision to have to make, as they will not be bothered, but I will, because when I call someone my friend, I mean it.

But, this is life, most people seem to be able to make self motivated decisions and lack courage and be okay with it.

I can’t.

And time reveals people’s hearts and I cannot ignore these red flags, I know to listen to them more.

Failing to be a real friend through a time of serious hurt due to abuse, is a red flag, as this is a heart issue, I can’t condone.

At the present time, I need real friends. And I have some, and I will concentrate on them and know God will provide more.

I feel like He is closing a door, but wanting to open a new one and I know to trust that, He always leads me to better.

God has always led my family and I, to better.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “A sad decision, but one I have to make.

  1. sounds like a very wise decision to me.
    I was a church goer for years and years – I still love God with all my heart but through the experiences i have had over the years i don’t consider church a safe place to be. I will go to church again some day but for now I’m staying away.
    Some church people can be very blinkered and very judgemental – also they are very good at denial when it comes to realising their church leaders are just people too and often as flawed as the rest of us – and sometimes – dangerous, because when a highly flawed person is put in a position of authority it is, sadly, very easy for them to be abusive.
    it is vital that you continue with your case – the church must not hide its abusers – we only have to look at the damage done by those in the catholic church to a generation of young boys to see that.
    god bless you and I will pray for you at this difficult time.

    • Thank you, I really appreciate your message.
      Learning how weak and religious and rules/obligation led many Church people are, is a learning and growth opportunity and one I see clearly.
      I see Satan using weakness and it’s sad. very, very sad, as I see nice, good people being deceived, just as Satan wants.
      But, I only accept the love I think I deserve, so I know I deserve better, I deserve what I would do for someone and no less.
      And yes, a highly flawed, spiritually abusive, narcissistic pastor and his wife both with deep hearts issues – in Church leadership is absolutely not what Jesus would want and I know my strengths of courage, integrity and not being bullied, is being used by God and the formal complaint is for His purposes.
      It’s interesting that it is very common knowledge of all the abuse within the Catholic Church, and how it is condoned and hidden and enabled.
      But, doing research I found out that the same levels of abuse are occurring within the Baptist Church worldwide.
      The reason being – both of their ‘in-house’ ways of dealing with matters, their systems set up to support the abuser, far more than the abused and abusive people know this system will support them should they get caught out, so these denominations attract abusers, who will be supported, enabled and protected, should an allegation of abuse be made.
      It is my hope and prayer, this does not occur within this formal complaint.
      It is an opportunity for the Baptist Church to actually show they don’t ‘all’ do this, they don’t whitewash, they do deal with abuse complaints in a way that honours God, who requires honesty, transparency, repentance, humility.
      If the appropriate action is taken, I will be the first to state they did a good job, they honoured God, they did not ignore, condone, enable abuse and Satan.

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