Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Wow, this is very interesting reading. Applies to the narcissistic pastor I endured abuse from.


I still get that overwhelming sense of ‘wow’, when I read other people’s understanding of narcissist/sociopaths and how they apply to the abusers in my life, and in particular to the pastor – who is without doubt – a narcissist himself and bordering sociopath.

And how common these people are in society – 1 in 20 people!

Wow! Satan must be so happy. No wonder God is busy trying to get courageous people like myself to help expose this wherever possible and no wonder these brave people are treated badly and rejected as I have been – Satan is loving encouraging that.

And so many people are being deceived by these narcissists/sociopaths.

So many people can’t spot these people, they are clever and get away with what they do, so much.

Below, is what I read.

*There is a term for what a narcissist/sociopath does to his victims. It’s called emotional rape.*

Statistics tell us that approximately 1 out of 20 people we interact with have, on some level that is destructive, sociopathic tendencies. I’m sure you’ve heard that serial killers are sociopaths, and that is true to the extreme. Naturally, there are different levels of dysfunction, just as there are different levels of, say, depression.

The predators I speak of are “Sociopath-Lite,” for lack of a better term. These people have a seared conscience and they view other people as objects to manipulate to get what they want. Most of them are narcissists, and will use you to fulfil what is called, “narcissistic supply.”

Narcissistic Supply is the term for what these people are addicted to. It is not alcohol or drugs, or even sex per se. They need your adoration, admiration, attention and time and the appetite for this supply is insatiable as they are basically emotional black holes, sucking your love and energy into themselves to try to satisfy the emptiness inside their souls. They truly are the walking dead.

This emptiness is so profound and permanent they are rarely helped by any kind of therapy, because they are so used to acting rather than actually being who they really are. They refuse to lower their guard and let others know their real personalities.

This emotional deformity is usually the result of profound abuse, emotional trauma or neglect from a primary caretaker, even as early as infancy. They learned early on to mimic the kind of person the caretakers seemed to want in order to survive. In the process, they discard and despise their true selves and manufacture a false self that they present to the world.

Sad? Yes, absolutely. However, these folks are usually so full of rage that they quickly learn how to channel and use the anger in a meaningful way; the ability to expertly manipulate and ultimately emotionally injure others which makes them feel superior and powerful. This way, they feel they’re in control and cannot be hurt again. They turn into an abuser.

A narcissist with sociopathic tendencies is a very dangerous person indeed; the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing. They are constantly on the prowl for new sources of “supply” and can sense a potential victim almost immediately, even the first time they meet the person.

Let’s pause for a moment to examine the perfect victim of these monsters. Most people grow up in relatively normal homes where love, affection and truth were modelled. These future victims were taught to be courteous, trusting and compassionate and in the normal course of their lives, have personally encountered nothing untoward that would change their view of the world and the strangers they meet. They’ve heard of evil people on the news and have seen them depicted in movies but have never actually crossed paths with one. In other words, they’re sitting ducks.

These victims are not stupid or thick-headed. They should be able to basically trust in the goodness of others. They practice the golden rule and simply assume others do the same. They are naïve but once they encounter and comprehend the evil that truly exists “out there,” their lives are forever altered and their innocence shattered.

When the narcissist/sociopath targets a victim, they immediately begin to idealize and overvalue this new source of “supply.” They are gifted actors, having presented their false self for so many years, and are able to expertly simulate emotions as they “bond” with the victim. They are attracted, curious and deeply interested in the source and begin a process of courting or grooming the victim. They are incredibly charming and present themselves to be a deep, passionate person capable of loving or of being hurt. They appear to be empathetic and caring but all of these signs are the sheep’s clothing of the narcissist.

Naturally, the victim falls head over heels in love with the mirage or false self the narcissist projects and they completely buy into the lies they are told.

The narcissist’s seemingly genuine immersion and exaggerated high regard for the source is extremely alluring to the victim. It makes them feel safe, loved and admired. The narcissist showers them with attention and they are so convincing they’re all but impossible to resist when they are on the prowl for a source of supply.

However, and this is what you must understand, once the victim is completely hooked and emotionally enmeshed, the narcissist begins to deplete them of their “supply” like a vampire drinks the blood of his victim. This begins to manifest itself by the narcissist toying and playing head games with the source.

They’ll deny saying certain things the victim knows for certain they said; they woo seductively and then turn cold and angry causing the source to come running to apologize for some supposed transgression. They are covertly condescending to the source while continuing to rely on their advice. They play with the source like a deep-sea fisherman reels in a sailfish and then lets the line go slack, back and forth until the fish exhausts itself.

When the narcissist senses the source’s supply is threatened or nearly depleted, he instantaneously and abruptly loses all interest in the victim. To them, the victim no longer exists and is thrown away like a piece of trash.

Of course, to be idealized one minute and totally devalued the next is utterly incomprehensible to the victim. Normal people do not treat others this way. It is a mind bending experience that leaves the victim questioning their self worth, judgment and sanity not to mention having to grapple with the extreme grief of suddenly losing what seemed to be a perfect relationship.

There is a term for what a narcissist/sociopath does to his victims. It is called emotional rape. It’s the systematic and deliberate abuse of a person’s higher emotions without their consent. The victim fully trusts the alluring false self that is presented to them and is made to feel emotions and bonding for the express purpose of being used and discarded. When they give the narcissist the privilege of looking into their soul they never dreamed that intimacy would be abused.

The narcissist feels no true emotions. They are incapable. The “love” they feel for the source disappears immediately when the victim’s usefulness runs its course or when a seemingly better qualified source of supply is noticed. They are able to go their merry way without the encumbrance of guilt or remorse.

Being a tender human being, the victim usually grieves and misses the relationship for quite some time. The loss is devastating and they can get very depressed, blame themselves, obsess about contacting the narcissist, feel like they’re going crazy, and experience many other emotional manifestations that physical rape victims endure. The emotional roller coaster is so horrific that some victims even display symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome.

It’s shocking and disgusting how many narcissists automatically gravitate towards positions of power, i.e., the military, pastors, counsellors, Bible teachers, CEO’s, school teachers, physicians, etc. Once they spot a potential source, they misuse their authority to attract and control the victim.

The narcissist/sociopath exploits and then completely rejects his victims. The most bizarre aspect of this “person” is there little to no malice involved. She views people as things to be used. The same way you and I feel neither hate nor love for a garden hose, he feels the same about other people. Absolutely nothing.

by Gabben @ http://www.voicelessness.com/

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

9 thoughts on “Wow, this is very interesting reading. Applies to the narcissistic pastor I endured abuse from.

  1. This is a very, very good blog topic and you hit the nail on the head. I, too, was abused by a narcissistic pastor who zoned in on the hurt of my past and saw it as a means to manipulate and abuse me. Thank you for exposing this. I didn’t realize I had suffered from PTSD until I read this article. Thank you again for posting it.

    • I am glad this blog has helped validate your experience, but I am very sorry you were abused by a pastor as well.
      There is a lot more of this happening than people realise.
      I didn’t realise the stats were 1 in 20 people being on the narcissist/sociopath spectrum. That is very high levels of people with far higher levels of narcissism than is healthy and these people are dangerous and abusive and highly manipulative.
      And it strengthens my belief that narcissism being very poor mental health, is the most widely un-diagnosed mental health disorder, which my doctor has also agreed with.
      And most people don’t know how to spot these traits, but I do.
      I am also considering writing a book on recovering from spiritual abuse, my title is..
      ‘Is He Praying, Or Is He Preying, A Guide To Recovery From Spiritual Abuse’.

  2. Pingback: Wow, this is very interesting reading. Applies to the narcissistic pastor I endured abuse from. | justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis

  3. I wouldn’t forget female narcissists, I have known several of those too.

  4. I’d love to invite you to be a guest blogger at my site… to share your story. I know so many survivors who don’t yet have the courage to share their stories – they need voices like yours, like ours, to say the things they are still afraid to say to themselves and others. I believe in this passionately, as I am a survivor, myself. Thanks for speaking out like you are!

    • Gosh, thank you Susan, that is such a lovely offer to be a guest blogger and share my story.

      I know sharing our stories does help people and one of my goals is to help people not become divided from God and their faith as a result of spiritual abuse. I am also passionate about being a voice for people abused and I can see you are too.

      I will have a think about it and come back to you with any questions, if that’s okay?

      And thank you again 🙂

  5. I had a “friend” like this. 😛