Toxic Shame, at the core of Complex Trauma

Toxic shame is written about and is widely known to be at the core of complex trauma and complex PTSD.

I have known toxic shame my entire life. And just when I think I am past it all, I realise I am not.

Exposing an abuser in Church leadership, is not the faint of heart.

I have been told by multiple people how strong and courageous I am to go through a formal complaint process. This is very true, but my strength has come from God in this, of that I am only too aware of.

This situation has nearly destroyed me and has hurt my family a lot. This kind of situation could nearly destroy anyone.

Abuse is abuse and is evil.

But, I know no matter what, God is equipping me with my strength, using the courage I have always had, I will get through it, I will tell the investigators what happened, in full.

And I can see how much courage and strength that has taken. I know I have that and that is why God needs me in this. I can almost feel that pull to pick me up and set me back on the path of strength and focus.

Is a pastor spiritually abusing and grooming an adult, any different to a child? No, they are equally abusive.

I can see the arguments for and against this. Legally, yes they are different.

Some will say, if the abuse was to a child, then the pastor should be sacked, but to an adult – well maybe not.

I challenge this, because there is no difference – it’s about the ‘heart of the abusive pastor’, not the person targeted, groomed and abused.

You can’t lose your salvation if you have been Baptized……so sin away, it’s okay…you’re saved! And the consequences when people choose this.

This is what some Baptists believe, I won’t say all, because I only know the opinions and sermons I have actually heard.

I’ve heard a sermon where it was stated that a regular question that comes up from believers is ‘can I lose my salvation?’

The answer was ‘no, you can’t, you’re saved, you’ve been Baptised’.

I’ve also heard it said, that ‘once Baptised, you can sin all you like, because you’re saved, but, if you were walking with Jesus, you wouldn’t want to sin.’