I can see the arguments for and against this. Legally, yes they are different.
Some will say, if the abuse was to a child, then the pastor should be sacked, but to an adult – well maybe not.
I challenge this, because there is no difference – it’s about the ‘heart of the abusive pastor’, not the person targeted, groomed and abused.
In both situations, there is still the same level of manipulation, devious, deceitful, twisted thinking, abusing the target/the victim, due to her being vulnerable.
Yes, someone could argue that a child has less ability to cope with the situation and I would know the answer to this, I have been groomed – as a child, as a teenager and as an adult.
As a child, I was unable to control, stop what was occurring, as a teenager, I was also unable to stop what was occurring, and as an adult, I was unable to stop what was occurring.
The reason – because I was vulnerable, highly depressed and I trusted each of these people, due to the highly manipulative way they seduced and groomed me and I wasn’t mentally/emotionally capable and able to stop it, I was highly depressed, very vulnerable and each of them knew it and used this for their own needs.
Did I see the red flags when being groomed as a teenager and adult, yes, but I ‘had’ to ignore it and couldn’t cope with it. I already had so much happening in my life that was so painful, I was not able to stop it.
This is how this predators can do what they do, regardless of the age of the person.
When I was highly vulnerable, as I was last year, highly depressed and feeling like my life was caving in around me, I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to deal with the red flags.
I desperately needed ‘someone’ to help me, to ‘save’ me. And at that time and in all cases, I didn’t know that needed to be Jesus, not this person.
And each of these people, knew this, had taken advantage, went so far past all boundaries, knowingly, purposefully, for their own needs, whilst pretending they loved me’ and ‘cared about me’ and ‘I could trust them’.
Each of them used the ‘trust’ they had deliberately built up – for their own needs.
In the case of when I was a child, and a teenager, I was sexually abused, badly, over long periods of time.
In the case of last year, there were very obvious sexually motivated behaviours, but it didn’t progress any further – because of God’s grace and nothing else. God intervened, because if any more had occurred, I probably wouldn’t be here now, as that would have destroyed me completely. This has nearly destroyed me completely.
So, there was no sex, no actual full sexual contact, but does this make this situation any better as in the heart of this pastor – no it does not.
I know his wife getting upset about finding out about his visits – was God’s grace, God’s intervention.
There should not be any less consequences for there not being any actual full sexual contact made, because it is about the heart of this abusive pastor.
His heart groomed/seduced, over a period of time.
This was not a ‘one-off’ moment of weakness.
This was planned, knowingly, purposefully done behaviour.
Anyone with any intelligence is going to realise that the written evidence, is only a part of what he was doing and to think any different is avoiding and minimizing this deliberately.
This was abusing someone who was very weak and vulnerable and he knew it.
Making statements like;
‘it’s true feminine vulnerability that’s makes me want to show real masculine love’
as I have written evidence of, is absolute proof of knowing my vulnerability fully and using this to show highly inappropriate love, knowing this women is depressed, is scared, is needing someone, is sobbing, him getting up from the seat on another sofa, to hug me for long periods of time – which when combined with this pushing for time alone, while my husband was away (again confirmed in messages), talking to be in detail about sex, telling me lots of pastors have affairs, constantly hugging me, talking in messages repeatedly about hugging me/loving me, hugging me by my bedrooms, full body contact occurring, including groin and chest area fully touching, while on my own with me, in my home, with my husband the other side of the world.
And this is a pastor, with ‘very clear’ pastoral counselling guidelines, all ignored.
No, it should absolutely not make any difference about whether I am an adult, or a child, whether full sexual contact occurred, or didn’t.
It’s the same heart issues of a man grooming a highly vulnerable person, knowingly and using pastoral counselling privilege and the trust role as a pastor, for clear spiritual abuse with seduction grooming intent.
My doctor said there should be no differences made between whether this involved a child or an adult.
There should be no differences made as to whether there was full sexual contact or, not.
It’s about ‘why’ he did what he did.
It’s about his heart. Plus – the lack of remorse. The lying about it. The further spiritual abuse in calling me demonic in front of witnesses, the lies and attacks also told, the absolute denial of his actions, or any care in the hurt, pain and betrayal of who he was in this – ‘a pastor’ I trusted. The fake apology that was only given because he ‘had’ to.
I just truly hope and pray these people investigating all this, can see this whole picture.
But, I have to prepare myself for the fact, that they may say, well he didn’t actually fully sexually assault you, so we’ll just give him a slap on the wrists and tell him not to do it again.
This kind of narcissistic/sociopath (no remorse) grooming is classed as emotional rape and being from a pastor, is therefore, emotional and spiritual rape. He took from me what I wasn’t capable of stopping.
And this has nothing to do with me having PTSD, except for showing my emotional inability to stop what was happening. And, it is about my vulnerability last year. Which was known about, and abused deliberately. With no remorse.
And the consequences to me emotionally, are as bad with what he did, as the other grooming I endured.
I just hope that this is understood.
This is about the ‘whole picture’ and all the consequences of this, not just the basic facts.