Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Picking your battles wisely, and saying nothing, when words won’t help others.


Recognising where someone is at – cognitively, spiritually, their level of wisdom etc, can give you choices of how to respond.

Picking your battles can be a choice, and wisdom and grace needs to prevail.

This can be hardest when so many people you care about, hurt you. My need to protect myself is strong, which can be good, but can just as easily be used for sin.

It’s human nature to defend yourself when hurt, learning not to respond when hurt, is hard and something I need to learn more of and I am.

I toyed with the decision of whether to contact the senior pastor of the Church, to ‘enlighten’ him with what I have recently found out about most Church’s being stuck at stage 3, and all my observations of this and the hurtful comments and accusations I have had from his flock showing evidence of this.

I am insightful and honest and part of this would be because I want to explain what I know and have observed and what he needs to do to change this Church being so ‘stage 3’ and move forwards. But another part of me would also want to point out that people have hurt me, due to their actions and accusations, assuming I am the enemy, and they are wrong.

I had to consider my heart in this and the response to this, and what it would achieve and I know it would achieve little, except annoying him more, and making me feel a little better. Being a ‘right fighter’ is not helpful and I know that.

So, knowing this is not helpful to God and knowing this is not my battle, I choose to say nothing. I choose to be in obedience to what is right by God.

Picking my battles is something I need to do wisely, and the formal complaint about spiritual abuse is what I know fully God is using me for.

Abuse is trauma. Abuse is evil. Should never be ignored and I know God exposed all this and the way this has developed, was all God and He does need me in this, exposing it fully and ensuring it gets dealt with as appropriately as I can possibly ensure.

But, the rest, their spiritual progression issues, are not my battle.

I knew that challenging people who said they were friends, would probably result in losing them as friends. Which hurt, but also in the process exposed more that is evidence of them not understanding me, and it is their issues, not mine.

But, I know I need closure from this Church, as they see me as the issue, the one weaker in spiritual maturity, hence the ‘demonic’ statement and accusing me of playing God, and slander and witch hunting, and all their ignoring etc, which really hurt me, but I now can see that narcissism, lies, deceit and abuse are not the only issues here, but being stuck spiritually is also adding to their issues.

Moving on, is something I need, I feel it is needed and it will be, after this formal complaint is dealt with.

I was told months ago I had outgrown this Church and I fully see that. And too much has happened due to the abuse and complaint, for this Church to ever see me in a positive light and I accept that. They need me to move on as well and leave God to help them. Their ears and eyes are shut, to anything I say now, the leadership have made sure of that.

God ‘always’ provides learning opportunities within every situation and every hurt that occurs, He opens my eyes every time. And He knows how much I want my eyes opened to everything, including my own sins and I have so much to learn.

So, knowing the abuse complaint is a battle God requires me to follow through, but the rest is not, is good and that closure and more peace, will be mine soon.

Knowing to pick my battles, choose them wisely, seek wise advice, walk away from the ones that I can’t be of help in for others, for God, stick with the ones I do need to be involved in, and say nothing, when words won’t help others, is a learning curve I am on.

It’s like the serenity prayer. With grace.

Learning to keep my mouth zipped, even when I have been hurt, if words won’t serve God, one of the things I need to learn and I am.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Picking your battles wisely, and saying nothing, when words won’t help others.

  1. Pingback: Picking your battles wisely, and saying nothing, when words won’t help others. | justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis

  2. Here is one saying I like– “Do not speak unless I can improve the silence”