Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My budgie, called Flopsy.

My sister and I nagged our parents for a pet, and they didn’t want one, but in the end they gave in.

I remember us telling them everyone we knew has a pet bar me and my sister. I knew as well, if I said it was for my sister – not just me, that was far more likely to get a good response, she usually got her way. That’s the way it was.

Dogs and cats were vetoed – too much care needed. While we were young, my mother barely cared for her children, so pets to care for were definitely not a good thing by her. We were give options, low maintenance pet options.

My sister wanted a bird. I wanted a rabbit.

So birds was decided and our parents bought two budgies.

My sister called hers Twinkle.

I called mine Flopsy. Well, I wanted a rabbit.

I know by this, that even young, I had that knowledge that my sister was preferred, my needs were less and all that was going on, was not okay and I was on the receiving end of too much harm and I needed to fight this and I did in my own way. I was strong, I learned how to be.

This was one of them. Just a really minor one compared to the abuse I endured, the scape goating abuse, but none-the-less, still symbolic.

It was my way of saying, okay you failed me again, as always, but it’s okay, I’ll just call my budgie the name I wanted to call my rabbit and I will love my budgie anyway and I did, I was the one that cared for them and loved them, of course. That was always my role.

It was my way of being strong, coping, and this is just one instance of so many, but one I remember. I remember being hurt because my sister – who I loved dearly – always had her needs preferred over mine and I was confused, felt hurt, as any child would.

I will always remember my budgie called Flopsy.

Those birds used to fly around everywhere driving my mother nuts and I used to secretly think ‘ha ha’ see you should have let me have a rabbit, then it would be outside and not flying around everywhere, crapping over everything.

As a child, I had to cope in anyway I could and I had to be strong and find the humour in the fact that in allowing my sister to have her way, my parents got annoyed more, by the birds they decided to buy. Which is funny and I could see that as a child.

Every time I see a floppy eared rabbit, the ones people call bunny rabbits, I think about how I wanted a bunny rabbit called Flopsy and got a budgie called Flopsy.

It’s one situation that makes me smile, because it reminds me of my inner strength and resilience I had to have as a child. And my sense of humour.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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