Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Why I don’t use these same standard phrases, like other Christians.

I watch people closely, I am constantly assessing people, it’s like breathing to me.

I’ve watched people pray, in Church, at home group and they all love to use standard phrases and it’s like if you don’t use these standard phrases, then you are less ‘Godly’, and the more you use these standard phrases, the more ‘mature’ in your faith you are.

When I talk to God, I just talk, I don’t use any of these phrases, I just talk the way He knows I already think. Because of that very reason – He already knows my every thought. I’m honest, real and He knows that.

God is not impressed by your knowledge of standard phrases and ability to use as many as possible within one prayer. And the more these people think they are ‘mature Christians’, the more they seem to use these stock standard Church sayings.

And I know now, that those who say they are a mature Christians, aren’t.

I know I could never a Church leader – I just couldn’t get up there and pray and parrot all these sayings – where my prayer basically for most of it, is like every persons prayer. And I would be seen as spiritually weaker for this, but I’ve always seen their spiritual weaker progression, I just didn’t know that was what it is.

God, wants to see your words come from your heart. He knows the way you think – so just pray the way you think, regardless of what others may think. But, most can’t, need to do what other do, need to fit in. Need to be religious.

And I know what this is, this standard phrase need. It’s that spiritual progression stuck at that adolescent-to-adult stage 3.

It’s like teenagers all needing to say the same ‘cool’ sayings and if you don’t, then you aren’t cool and once you are not part of their ‘gang’, you’re forgotten and you have to follow by the rules, to stay in the gang. All following along like sheep in their teenager rules, all doing the same, all only helping themselves and being so proud of this. With no self awareness that there is more.

It is like an adolescent phase, which so many Christians are at. Stage 3. The only difference being, it’s about religion and not the latest fashions, and nail polish colour and latest phrases to call boys ‘hot’.

When I was an adolescent, I was dealing with trying to keep myself alive, surviving severe abuse daily in captivity, doing what most adults much older would struggle with.

Being ‘cool’ and being a ‘group’ etc, was the last thing on my mind.

When I was a child, I was an adult, caring for my siblings, caring for my mother. I never really got to be a child, or an adolescent, but one thing for sure, I am not stuck in that stage either.

My life has afforded me lifetimes of life wisdom and I know that. And the ability to see so clearly, when others are not mature in many ways.

I have to be patient, like a parent has to try hard to be patient with her teenagers.

And not expect more from people than they are capable of.

Pick my battles, like you do with teenagers.

And understand, they don’t know anything different.

Don’t know anything more.

Accept their differences, even if they can’t understand mine.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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