Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

If a decision is not wise, it is not grace.

Blogging is great, a good coping strategy, a way to not suppress my emotions, a way to help others. A way to reflect on my progress, my continuing spiritual development, my deep desire to know more, to be what God wants me to be.

It also allow me to look back and see what I was still struggling with and trying to process. It shows how I don’t rest until I have considered the deeper, bigger picture, sought advice, and understand it.

Like grace.

I can see the last 6 months have taught me so much, such is God’s grace. And I didn’t doubt Him once.

Even a few months back, I was struggling with grace, what it is, what it isn’t.

Through advice from my wise counsel and understanding other people’s interpretation of grace was wrong and self interested and based upon ‘religious’ cognitive distortion, and selective Bible abuse, rather than wisdom or ‘what would Jesus do’, is it wise, who does this decision serve?

It’s always interesting how I always pick up on these red flags, these incorrect interpretations, immature spiritual beliefs, even when I can’t explain it, I know it, but then wise people in my life explain it and then I think ‘wow’ that is it!

I don’t need ‘religious’ beliefs in my life. I look to Jesus’ example, and look at what others do wrong, as examples. I want wisdom, more wisdom than all the life wisdom I do have and gifts God given. I want more and seek it, constantly.

Grace can so easily be used wrongly, intentionally and unintentionally.

Like all those within Christianity that enable abuse, by not dealing with it with wisdom. Thinking that is grace.

All those religious beliefs, wrong Bible verse interpretations, self interested sermons, cognitive distortions, unwise decisions, narcissism, weakness in their pride, all creating outcomes that are not wise, so therefore, not remotely Godly and not grace.

Grace, is a big subject and one I have seen so easily used wrongly.

But, a person can only interpret and understand something as big as grace, if they are wise and that requires greater spiritual maturity, than many Christians have.

Grace is not all the many things Christians believe it is.

God loves us all, will forgive us, with repentance.

God does not want false teachers, ravenous wolves, narcissists in Church leadership. I know this absolute certainty.

God still loves those sinners, those ravenous wolves, those false teachers, those narcissists, those abusers, of course He does, He loves us all. And that is His grace.

Of course all of those need help, support, compassion. That is grace.

But, it is not wisdom, or grace, to allow them to continue in Church leadership, give them opportunities to lie and manipulate more, when they have already proven what they are capable of, with no remorse, or repentance.

It is not wisdom, or grace, to enable someone so clearly emotionally, mentally and spiritually immature, who has failed so badly, caused considerable damage in a family’s life, caused someone to need 6 months + of trauma counselling due to spiritual abuse and grooming, to be a Church leader.

Grace is forgiving these false teachers, ravenous wolves, narcissistic Church leaders, praying for them, wanting them to seek help.

But grace is not enabling them to continue in leadership and take the ‘chance’ of them hurting someone again. That is being a fool and being deceived by Satan.

Enabling abusive Church leaders, does not serve God, it serves Satan.

If anyone gets hurt again, who’s blame and shame will that be – well it won’t just be the abusive pastor, it will then be all those who were warned, and didn’t listen and enabled him to continue on, as well.

God’s watchmen can only warn, as I have in this situation, but if those with the responsibility don’t deal with it appropriately, well I won’t have that on my conscience, my hands are free of any sin, I did all I could.

Except publish more messages, which I am still considering.

If this situation is not dealt with the way it needs to be, I just feel very sorry for the next victim and all those being deceived.


That person who could get spiritually abused next, I wonder how they would feel, if they knew this could have been avoided.

I wonder how God will feel?

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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