Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Terminal aloneness, is different to emptiness.


There are terms used within complex trauma, for identifying differences between diagnoses.

One of them is suicide ideation as a coping strategy to endure abuse, as opposed to suicide ideation due to that emptiness people with personality disorders have.

Emptiness, is a classic symptom of a personality disorder, but I have not had that.

I have felt what I term ‘terminal aloneness, with complete lack of hope for things to ever improve’.

But this wasn’t emptiness. I didn’t feel empty, or void, I just had no-one in my life who cared while I was being severely abused in captivity and felt there was no way to solve the situation, due to deep fear.

I have had times in my life in captivity where suicide ideation was my ‘get out’ strategy if the abuse became too unbearable. But again, this was due to abuse, not due to feeling ‘empty’.

I have always felt that sense of ‘something’ in my life that was my strength. I still don’t fully understand it, but even fairly soon after the court hearing and an abuser was imprisoned, I had that ‘feeling’ that my life was for purpose, to help others, and I’ve always felt that.

I’ve had times in my life where I have been severely depressed, but not empty.

Loneliness, and emptiness, are different.

Depression and emptiness, are different.

Loneliness, is a form of deep emotional poverty that is crippling and causes complete loss of hope.

But emptiness is different and I can see the difference.

I have been incredible alone, with people around me who don’t care about me, are hurting me, or don’t understand me.

I think the difference is God’s presence in my life all along, in whatever form, causing me to never feel empty, even when completely alone, with total loss of hope.

It also explains, why I have survived so much and I am still alive.

It also explains how I felt that pull 4 years ago to start going to Church, again that supernatural presence, the Triune God, is His three forms. Plus God’s angels, haven’t got to grips with angels yet, so want to know more about that too.

I’ve always had that supernatural presence, even when I couldn’t explain it.

I don’t relate to people when they say they feel empty inside.

But, I do relate to people when they say they feel so chronically alone. And have no hope.

And I know they are very different.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Terminal aloneness, is different to emptiness.

  1. I had exactly the same feeling throughout my childhood and teenage years. Thank you.

  2. Im a christian ….and I feel alone and I also feel empty?

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