Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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In the end, it was never about me.

I have endured considerable abuse in my life, from birth onwards, had many people abuse me in varying ways, to varying degrees of severity.

I have spent 4 decades, thinking ‘why me’, what is it about me that all these people will hurt me, why want to hurt me, why so much, why so many abusers?

I have done the ‘what if’s’ for decades too. I have felt shame, blame and guilt for a lot that was never mine to own.

But, I have come to realise, it was never about me. Continue reading


How you know someone has humility and how blessed I am to have real examples.

My doctor is someone who is highly regarded in her field, is involved in many things and is a very busy lady. She is well known in Christian circles and she really knows what she is talking about. I could write pages of all my observations of her – as I constantly assess people – and I have also observed things I know shows her humility.

My doctor recently spoke at an annual women’s Christian convention (such is how highly regarded she is) and what she spoke about was challenging and so typical of her style, to challenge people’s cognitive distortions, their religious decisions, all from a psychological aspect.

Interestingly, when she spoke she mentioned she had been following blogs and I thought ‘oh no, I hope she hasn’t been reading mine’ (various reasons, nothing bad), and then I considered this and thought, no – she is far too busy to be reading my ramblings, she has to listen to me ramble enough already and why would she be reading my blog. I decided she wouldn’t have read mine. Humility – maybe. Turns out though she did mean my blog. But, it was interesting that I had assumed it wouldn’t be mine.
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Cult like behaviours to avoid in Church’s.

Cult-like behaviours in a Church, to be avoiding.

1.Hierarchy needs of leadership.
2.Leadership state they are not to be challenged and view challenge and exposing abuse by leadership as persecution.
3.Leadership strongly resist being challenged and act with rage when they are.
4.When a senior pastor almost warns you off exposing another pastor.
5.When leadership fail to support someone abused by a leader.
6.The Church’s beliefs are all about self, self driven.
7.The Church’s concept of community, is their own inner community focus.
8.Those who challenge, are made to know they should leave.
9.When leaders sin, badly, including abuse, the other leadership present a ‘forgive and forget, or get out’ attitude.
10.Selective Bible verse abuse.
11.Self motivated sermons, which are so clearly not Biblical, but are portraying a message to a person.
12.The leadership lie for each other about sins and abuse.
13.Their own inner circle groups all speak about this Church family and how wonderful they are, are highly dependent on them, even though they see others are not invited into this inner circle, so being very selective, self serving and religious.
14.When leadership call themselves ‘mature Christians’ and ‘humble’.
15.When leadership are clearly spiritually immature.
16.Women are considered unequal to speak a message to the Church.
17.Women are only ‘allowed’, ‘permitted’ to speak a message to other women, when other Church’s within that denomination have women pastors.
18.The leadership are elitist and bash other Church’s and denominations, including up on their stage, to the Church.
19.The leadership have clear and obvious highly narcissistic traits, as narcissism is self led, not Christ led and narcissists are fake people, who often abuse.
20.The Church ‘rules’ are what the Church lives by not Jesus and those who won’t conform to this are seen as trouble makers.
21.The leadership promote ‘you can’t lose your salvation, so you can continue sinning’.
22.The leadership use and promote materials and other Church’s also considered to be cult-like, strongly authority led, say challenging leadership is sin, and churn out cookie-cutter Christians, and have doctrine gone too far.
23.Have Church members attack, accuse and bully a person spiritually abused by Church leadership.
24.When Church leadership, who have clearly abused someone, call the person demonic, for exposing them.
25.When Church leadership say that if those senior within the Church denomination don’t comply with this Church’s own beliefs, they will leave that denomination, showing their inability to be in authority an comply with their own denomination’s requirements.
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Grieving, can come back any time. Because the love never dies.

I was flicking through the TV channels, and saw a film being discussed with Leslie Caron staring in it and it reminded me of my favourite movie ‘Father Goose’, with Leslie Caron and Cary Grant.

This is a movie my sisters and I loved, it was one of few things in our lives that bonded us together. We all loved it and knew so many lines from it, having seen it so many times. Continue reading


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Went to a new Church today and it was so good, praise God!

Having had to have a period of time to heal, from spiritual abuse and harm caused previously, going to a new Church was a new Chapter of our lives beginning.

So many things I noted as being so different to the last one.

The message included prayer for all Church’s in the area. That was new to hear that. I have never heard that before. What I am used to hearing, is bashing other Church’s and denominations, very spiritually immature I can so easily see now, and I always knew this. Continue reading