Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Grieving, can come back any time. Because the love never dies.

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I was flicking through the TV channels, and saw a film being discussed with Leslie Caron staring in it and it reminded me of my favourite movie ‘Father Goose’, with Leslie Caron and Cary Grant.

This is a movie my sisters and I loved, it was one of few things in our lives that bonded us together. We all loved it and knew so many lines from it, having seen it so many times.

As children, we stuck together, as we had to. I loved my sisters like they were my own children. I was their caretaker, their mother a lot of the time and I know they were too young to remember that. They remember me getting upset with them for being loud, because our mother would take it out on me. I was always having to be what my mother wanted, the caretaker of her children, so she could read, smoke, sleep, or spend hours in the neighbours house.

I still know many of the lines from this movie and I have it on DVD, but I rarely watch it as it makes me sad.

It’s one of those memories of good times, that brings such waves of grieving for the distance now needed, due to so much hurt and pain, lies and abuse caused that required healthier boundaries for healing.

I love my sisters. I miss my sisters. I miss the good times. I miss the jokes, even if they were at my expense. I don’t miss the bad stuff, but I do miss the good and I am glad I have good memories that can never be taken away.

It reminds me of humorous times we did have and I treasure those good memories. Like trying on clothes that looked awful and the three of us falling about laughing at each other and ourselves.

Grieving doesn’t just stop after a few months.

It doesn’t just go away.

It lessons, but can come back any time and reduce me to tears and fills me with grief.

I will always love my sisters, my mother, and I do love them from the distance needed, putting my own needs as a priority, with healthy boundaries.

But, it still hurts.

Grieving hurts.

Because the love, remains.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Grieving, can come back any time. Because the love never dies.

  1. I understand completely I wrote a little of my history on your blog about your trauma history. But during the time I was being trafficked I had a baby. I couldn’t in any way raise a baby in the lifestyle I was living. I tried for almost three years until I realized that her dad (my pimp) was grooming her. He was going to try and turn her out the first chance he got. I had to give her up because I loved her so much I wouldn’t let her become another me or my mom. So I let some wonderful people adopt her. She is 27 now and I met her when she was 21. I still grieve the loss of my three year old baby. I always will I think I don’t know why I wish I could figure it out.