I have endured considerable abuse in my life, from birth onwards, had many people abuse me in varying ways, to varying degrees of severity.
I have spent 4 decades, thinking ‘why me’, what is it about me that all these people will hurt me, why want to hurt me, why so much, why so many abusers?
I have done the ‘what if’s’ for decades too. I have felt shame, blame and guilt for a lot that was never mine to own.
But, I have come to realise, it was never about me.
Their actions, their hearts, their need to hurt, was all about them.
Nothing I did, or didn’t do, deserved the abuse. There is noting wrong with me, that condoned what they did at all. I was just their supply.
People are all responsible for their own actions.
No-one put a gun against their head and made them do it. And I never make that statement lightly, as I have had a gun at my head and the triggered pulled. That was a situation where I had no choice.
The abusers, all had choices, they knew it was wrong, they made their decisions of their own free will.
I put all the blame, shame and guilt back with each one of them, and this isn’t a one-time decision, I am aware I need to do this often, any time those self doubts, or shame emotions, come into my mind.
Similarly, for all those who were responsible for ensuring consequences for these people, who failed, this is their issue, their failings, their sins, not mine.
When I realised none of it was ever about me. I was just who they used and abused and if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else.
It was never about me.
I am responsible for my own actions, my own sins.
But, I am not in any way responsible for theirs.
Their abuse, was never about me.