Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

How do you know if a pastor – a wolf in sheeps clothing – is grooming you?

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I have had people ask me what grooming and spiritual abuse by a pastor occurred and I will show some of how it occurred to me, so others can hopefully see it clearly if this is happening to them.

I have been spiritually abused and groomed by a pastor with sexual intent and these are a few of the โ€˜groomingโ€™ tactics of a narcissist pastor. At the time I was severely depressed and very vulnerable.

These messages occurred over a period of a few weeks.

Combined with the following written comments, were many highly inappropriate behaviours occurring as well, clearly not treating my as a sister, breaking every code of conduct as a pastor and then outright lying about all of it when exposed.

These comments he wrote in facebook messages, within long conversations, he was having with me almost daily, whilst he was working, as a pastor, in a pastor role, copied directly with only our names removed;


Our relationship is one of the best type; both growing and a blessing

my heart is full of love for you

What’s Friday arvo looking like for you, you got time for a visit?

too easy I look forward to catching up and I’ll send you a cyber hug now…although does that get a little creepy?! hehe ๐Ÿ™‚

Ok u can’t post that without explaining! ๐Ÿ™‚
My reply – I’m not allowed to explain!
His reply Aww. Not even to ur pastor!? Hehe. No that’s alright. But it is a good thing
(I explained what it was he was asking about)
His response – Hehe alright u completely got me! I appreciate u tellin otherwise I would have been busting wondering what was happening. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hehe yes I guessed as much but I know miracles do happen sis! Xx

Well I helped out at a funeral this morning which makes me not really feel that motivated to do all the other stuff I need to. I’d rather just chat to u ๐Ÿ™‚

Hehe oh I KNOW sis it s part of why I love u! ๐Ÿ™‚

I actually prayed once that God would teach me to love more deeply and feel more keenly. Still a way to go but he’s def moved me in that way ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s really funny when u go to write rest and it auto changes it to ‘rear’ hehe putting ur rear up really is not te appropriate thing to say! Lol

Yeah it’s an apple thing, forgive my hedonism!

cyber hug your way!

Hey, hopefully not plaguing you with another person asking if everything is okay…but is everything ok? ๐Ÿ™‚

my hearts going out to you!
soo much to deal with

yeah that’s why my hearts going out ot you!

i don’t know what it is about you sis, you get me all soppy! ๐Ÿ™‚
very unlike me ๐Ÿ™‚

How have you been feeling in yourself sis with all this going on? (I thought if i’m not next to you, i probably wouldn’t be able to make you cry :))
(this was an admission in writing of him sitting next to me while I cried on his shoulder, these hugs he instigated, whilst alone with him in my home, having himself instigating getting up and moved from the opposite sofa)

Me -Sorry that I cry alot
Him – And don’t be silly sis! It sincerely honours me that you are that open with me! ๐Ÿ™‚ It makes me love you more!

It’s true feminine vulnerability that causes me to want to show real loving masculiniity!
(this proves he knew I was vulnerable)

good! I am quite the value adding fellow you know ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe

Okay sis, i could easily chat to you all morning ๐Ÿ™‚ but i should probably go and actually do some work. Now I actually have to pop out later and I wouldn’t mind grabbing that “rid of my disGRACE” book off you and you can have the new Mark & Grace Driscoll book if you would like.
(this is admission of him knowing my past was about abuse and again pushing for reasons to come round my house)

hugs to you.

Hopefully will get together later in the week. Hugs to u. ๐Ÿ™‚
(this was while my husband was away)

You have had no posts on facebook in 24 hours!!
How ya doin sis? ๐Ÿ™‚
your getting me concerned sis!

Praying for u that this break will actually be a spiritual break through time. And I’m planning to catch up when I’m well too ๐Ÿ™‚
That’s a promise not a threat ๐Ÿ˜‰

(this was while my husband was away and this was the conversation he outright lied about at the mediation, pretending he knew โ€˜nothingโ€™ about wanting to come round to my house and pushing for this while my husband was away. He did come round several times including twice when my husband was away and this would have been more times had he and his family not been sick. During all these times we were alone at my home, he was hugging me with full body contact and put his hand on my thigh whilst sitting right next to me, legs touching and got up from the lounge and walked down the hallway when I was in the bathroom and hugged me down near my bedrooms, full body contact again and these hugs were long, with me releasing them).

Yeah! Where’s The love!
It’s alright I love u anyway! :).
(pushing for me to say I loved him)

Hug to u

Hehe love ya sis. No really! ๐Ÿ™‚

virtual HUG, Love ya sis!!

someone downstairs gotta go love ya!

Hugs to you!

Oh I have some funny stories about my feminist literature subjects when I was the only man in the class! And it was me heheh
Imagine the fun I had!;$
They loved me by the end of the course hehe
(this shows how he needs women to โ€˜loveโ€™ him)

Really has been a delight chatting with u!

Yeajh I know But how does the song go. ” u love me anyway ” lol
(still pushing for me to say I loved him)

(Then when his wife found out where he had been, I got a phonecall to say he couldnโ€™t come round anymore, this was in response to my total confusion);

I have realised that I pretty much went against every professional guideline that I am supposed to follow in setting up boundaries when discussing/counseling etc.
And as I said it’s not because you have done anything wrong it’s because I have been unwise and the last thing I want to do is to end up hurting anyone because of the intenseness of experiences.

After this, the messages changed and there was none of the highly inappropriate comments I had been receiving, no ‘sending me hugs’, no ‘telling me he loved me’, no longer any pushing to come round my house etc.

At the time all this was occurring I was very depressed and unwell, as my doctor has confirmed and I wasn’t in any fit state to understand what he was doing and he knew how unwell and vulnerable I was.

He deliberately pushed for home visits with me alone, had highly inappropriate behaviours and were clearly with sexual intent and combined with knowing his โ€˜feelingsโ€™ for me were also highly inappropriate, further proves his adulterous intent, grooming intent and all of this he has lied about, denied and failed to repent from.

This year he admitted to me he โ€˜had feelings for me that should have only been for his wifeโ€™ at he time all this at home โ€˜counsellingโ€™ and grooming was occurring. The transference excuse is a lie, I know what transference and counter transference is and this was not either.

At a mediation, he called me โ€˜demonicโ€™ for exposing him and showed rage and total lack of insight and totally lack of remorse, lied continually and allowed his wife to say I had attacked their children, all lies, all deeply sinful behaviour, all spiritual abuse and very showing of a narcissist.

This should never be the actions, words and behaviours of a pastor, particularly all the lying and total failure to have remorse, or repent.

This pastor is a lying, devious, manipulative, spiritual abuser narcissist and needs removing from Church leadership and his licence revoked.

It is Biblical to expose a ravenous wolf in sheep’s clothing and I have done this with courage in a formal complaint due to my deep concern for so many being deceived by this man and Satan.

If that doesn’t happen in the formal complaint, God’s need for ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’ and ‘false teachers’ and ‘narcissists’ (opposite of humility) and failure to repent be dealt with appropriately, clearly spoken of in His word, will not be upheld.

God does not want wolves in sheep’s clothing, having access to vulnerable people, abusing counselling privilege and his leader role, failing to repent, to be teachers of His word.

This man is clearly under Satan’s rule and is incapable of being a pastor, he doesn’t have the mental, emotional or spiritual maturity, or heart, to be a pastor and the really sad part is, he and Satan are continuing to deceive so many nice people at the Church he is still a pastor at.

Very sad for them all.

Satan is happy though.

God, isn’t.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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