Father’s Day tomorrow. Never an easy day.

Father’s Day has always been a hard day, as well as Mother’s Day. It comes with the territory of having had abusive and neglectful parents who caused considerable emotional, scape goat and mental abuse.

This last 12 months, I have had to come to terms with the reality of my childhood, what my parents were, the highly dysfunctional and abusive dynamics and it has been very painful.

To know I have been totally abandoned by my biological father and had an abusive relationship with my step father, who basically had a circle of abuser friends, has been a hard journey, with much grieving.

Suffering

I very real poem, by a very real, beautiful and honest heart.

Olika Castillo

My heart’s been crushed by his abuse

But can you feel it?

I mask my bruises under makeup

But can you see them?

 

My voice is silent when I scream

Please tell me it’s an awful dream

Awake me please or I’ll let go

Into the darkness I will fall.

 

I hear his footsteps coming close

But can you hear them?

My heart is beating uncontrolled

I can’t defeat him…

 

Surrender to his strength I will

And numb away the pain I feel

No point in screaming out for help

The more I fight, the more I’m dealt.

 

I used to feel safe in this place

Now victimized in your sick ways

I want to run away from here

Somehow you have me chained in fear.

 

You walk inside and close the door

By hair you pull me to the floor

I shut my eyes…

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