Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I never stop being thankful for my wise counsel, who understand why I am different to most around me.

Last night at counselling, I was meant to be doing EMDR, but I needed to talk about how I’ve been feeling this week.

My counsellor and my doctor know me better than anyone else. They know where I am at counselling wise, they clearly see and tell me how much Jesus is healing me. They have explained where I am at faith wise and how I am spiritually progressed further than most Christian’s will be.

This further spiritual progression I am thankful for, but is a tough one for me in some ways and in ways I am having to learn more, I am always learning and having my weaknesses strengthened and I want that.

I am having to learn patience with those who are stuck at that stage 3 wall. I know this doesn’t make them bad people, but they consider me less spiritually progressed, which is typical of stage 3 people.

So, at the moment, the only people I can talk to about my faith, is my counsellor and my doctor. And as my faith is what I think about most of the time now, I need to talk about it.

We talked about how many Christians have these very immature beliefs, like ‘it’s not our job to judge each other, that’s only God’s job’. Which is absolute rubbish and it states quite clearly in the Bible we are to rightly judge others of their sins and help them and encourage them to stop sinning and it is sin itself to ignore sins.

And this is just one of many incorrect beliefs immature Christians insist on. Like, you can’t lose your salvation, which is also incorrect and you can indeed – fall from grace and that is Biblical stated.

And where I struggle, is how people can think these things which don’t even make sense as in ‘common sense’. It’s obvious to me that if someone is sinning, you don’t just ignore it.

And how if you continue knowingly sinning, especially with something as bad as spiritual abuse, you can fall from grace. I’ve never fallen for this – you are saved, you can keep sinning belief promoted by false teachers. This is a lie Satan wants people to believe, and this is obvious to me. But, clearly not to many.

I intuitively ‘know’ things and then find out Biblically my understanding, is correct. This has happened so often now, where things are said by believers and I just ‘know’ it is rubbish. I’ve corrected pastors and a senior pastor on his incorrect Biblical interpretation, or their ‘selective Bible verse abuse’ to suit their earthly and non Godly needs. And yet, they claim to be teachers of God’s word and yet they are so far from understanding who Jesus is.

I also explained how I know Jesus questioned why people were not dealing with sins and how Paul in Corinthians said the Church were to deal with the sins within the ranks of the Church. Which is exactly what I have done. Challenged the leaders of a Church as to spiritual abuse and they did not like it, as immature Christians, don’t.

We talked about more things from the Bible, including where a false teacher had a huge fall from grace.

I explained how I know Matthew 7:1 is the most mis-quoted verse in the Bible. Mis-quoted by spiritually immature Christians.

I talked about how I know when reading the Bible, you need to know the theology and the context and why it was written and to whom. Without this understanding how scripture is often mis-used and used inappropriately and also how it is abused by people seeking to use scripture for their own earthly needs – ‘selective Bible verse abuse’. And I have seen all of this.

I explained how I have seen the opposite ends of the spiritual war that many around me will have never experienced and will not understand to any depth.

I have seen evil, true evil at work and how this gives me insight into how Satan works, his highly manipulative, devious, planning mind and how he operates and the consequences of sin and ignoring it.

And then on the extreme opposite, I have seen God’s pure grace and love and awesome power at work and I can see His grace poured out all through my life. I know I should be dead, but I’m not, I am here and this is why despite all the pain of this spiritual abuse and the formal complaint, I haven’t once doubted God. I know why God He was using me and needed my strengths in this and I am aware of the necessity of dealing with and the spiritual consequences of narcissism in leadership. I am aware of my role appointed and the responsibility of this role.

I’m aware knowing these extreme ends of human behaviour and the extreme opposites of Satan and God, are a privilege not everyone gets to see at work.

This understanding puts me in a position that is different to most around me and my counsellor stated she knows it is hard to be someone who sees many things, others don’t see or understand.

It is hard to know and see things others don’t and not be able to explain it to them to most people, because they are blind to it.

It’s interesting as well, that I have always known I am different to other people around me and fought a long time to be like others, and here I am now, knowing beyond any doubt I am different to most around me and I have to get used to that.

And be okay with it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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