Every time, God has planned and provides more than I assumed I would receive.

Following receiving the predictable formal complaint spiritual abuse report, I know I am still in a process of grieving so much loss.

I am thankful God needed me and used what was occurring for His purposes and that I obediently followed what I knew I needed to do. Everything I could humanly do, was done and I have acted in honesty, integrity and as God required.

But, I still got very hurt, painfully betrayed and lost more relationships with people I loved, who I had trusted and God knows that, He knows my heart, my hurt.

Well God has provided support, if I do write a book on spirtual abuse recovery.

I have been encouraged to write a book on recovery from spiritual abuse by Church leadership.

I have my title; ‘Is He Praying, Or Preying? A Guide To Recovery From Spiritual Abuse’.

God has provided an amazing and caring Church, with a Reverend who truly knows theology and wants everyone to learn it. And I am, I’ve learned more in a month than I have learned in 4 years previously.

God has also provided me with very wise counsel with sound Christian psychology wisdom.

If I ever write a book, I know I would want input from those with a deep Christian psychology and theological background, to ensure it is accurate and knowledgeable and Biblically based, with true Godly wisdom.

And isn’t it interesting that I currently now have very wise people in my life who fit those criteria perfectly.

And I know, if God wants a book to happen, it will.

Amazing, informative and validating chat with my Reverend!!

I went to Bible study this morning, and afterwards whilst talking about false teachings etc and how mega Church’s are full of non Christians all being led to death, I told him about the spiritual abuse I suffered at the previous Church.

I told him some of the abusive actions this pastor had done, the inappropriate touching, visiting me alone at home, how he has lied about things, how the messages were obviously highly inappropriate. How he called me demonic at the mediation.

I didn’t plan to tell him all, it just happened and it felt right and he was so amazing. He was also disgusted to hear what this pastor had done.

He told me the Baptist Church where I live currently have several ‘abuse by pastor’ cases ongoing and he knows this because he knows a lawyer who is dealing with two of them.

Starting to feel confused about why I care about people, even after they have hurt me.

I grew up loving people who were hurting me and I’ve continued in my adult life loving people even when they have hurt me.

In the past, I wasn’t able to express my emotions about people, having been forced to suppress this in childhood. I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to feel the correct emotions.

Having my community page, I write many things and sometimes I get a response that makes me question my own emotions and whether they are healthy.

My ability to love people after they have hurt me and not just switch off that love when I don’t get love returned, is not the usual.

Is it not normal to love people after they have hurt you?

Is this some kind of self abuse I am perpetuating?

Are those love emotions meant to be turned off after abuse and pain?