Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Starting to feel confused about why I care about people, even after they have hurt me.


I grew up loving people who were hurting me and I’ve continued in my adult life loving people even when they have hurt me.

In the past, I wasn’t able to express my emotions about people, having been forced to suppress this in childhood. I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to feel the correct emotions.

Having my community page, I write many things and sometimes I get a response that makes me question my own emotions and whether they are healthy.

My ability to love people after they have hurt me and not just switch off that love when I don’t get love returned, is not the usual.

Is it not normal to love people after they have hurt you?

Is this some kind of self abuse I am perpetuating?

Are those love emotions meant to be turned off after abuse and pain?

Most people seem able to either just have no emotions about abusers, or continue to have negative emotions. Whereas, I can feel those rightfully needed emotions of hurt and betrayal and anger and grieving emotions, but I still love them.

I cried the other day when I thought of the possible consequences of eternal life for my family members and about someone who has lied and manipulated within a formal complaint about his intentions and his actions whilst spiritually abusing me.

Is this not normal?

Am I supposed to just think well tough, if you go to hell because you committed abuse and lied and didn’t repent, then I don’t care?

Am I supposed to think well a spiritual abuser deserves whatever he gets because he chose to abuse and lie of his own free will and is a false teacher, which is an abomination to God, so tough?

Am I supposed to hate him, as he obviously hates me to lie so much?

Or is this just my capacity to love someone before, during and after abuse, that is a deeper level of love, which is more inline with Jesus’ love for us?

Or is this questioning, what Satan wants, because he wants me to hate people like they hate me, which I don’t?


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Starting to feel confused about why I care about people, even after they have hurt me.

  1. my mother let terrible things happen to me, perpetrated by both of her husbands, and i still love her. i don’t respect or like her as a person, but i still love her. her second husband, the man who physically mentally and emotionally abused me for years, i love him too. he is jekyll and hyde, when sober he is a very quiet hard working man, he’d go out of his way to help anyone and is humble and kind, yet he drinks every day, and once drunk he’s a monster. i don’t make any excuses for what he did to me, part of me hates him but its like i hate the drunk and love the man, if that makes sense.

    i think depending on who the person is that perpetrated the trauma against you, depends on how “normal” it is to still love them. there are innate emotions we have, such as the ties to a mother or father figure, siblings or a partner, and love doesn’t just go away even when they’re caused us pain, respect and like may dissipate but love itself is hard to completely die. just my opinion.

    • Thank you for your response and I really appreciate it. It has put things into perspective for me.

      I think you are right, it is about who the person was and if it is family, or someone you considered family, then the love doesn’t die and that’s okay.

      I know I said to my doctor that I realise the ones I love, whilst abusive, are not 100% bad 100% of the time, so there is a part of them, the good bit that I love, even though I hate the abuse they made me endure and won’t take any responsibility for.

      Thank you again, your message made so much sense.


      • I’m so glad, it’s a complex issue and a complex emotion, but you’re not alone in feeling a little confused by your own feelings, I know I’ve struggled with it but now accept it as what it is, complex 🙂

  2. I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t. I have also gone on loving the ones who hurt me and ended up in more than one hurtful relationship because of it. I try to stay ahead of myself and watch who I let in….drawing your scope back to try to see who is good in your life vs who is hurting you. I tend to get confused by emotions so I fall back to logic, when all else fails.