Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse, is slow and painful ~ Lilly Hope Lucario



Narcissists thrive only for themselves. They are completely self motivated, self absorbed, feel entitled to everything they want to do, have no compassion and no remorse. They lack empathy completely.

Narcissists and sociopaths, operate in similar ways.

They use you as prey.

They get close to you, build up your trust, mimic your emotions, take full advantage of your vulnerability and compassion, get you on your own, build a relationship where you begin to need them and depend on them.

They groom you and are highly clever at this.

They are emotional vampires, and narcissists are dangerous, abusive people.

Then once they are done with you, or you figure them out, or leave them, it all changes.

The narcissists worst nightmare is being exposed.

They will resist this at all costs, lie, deceive, deny and manipulate those around them, they will act outraged at what you are doing to ‘them’ and if all else fails, will manipulate those around them into believing they are the victim.

Not once in all of this, do they actually care about their ‘supply’.

All the fake emotions they have shown, all the words they used to ‘reel you in’, all the ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I care deeply about you’ and ‘I want to help you’s’ , were all fake, they didn’t mean a word of it.

Once exposed, you see their real motives and their real feelings about you.

Then, they are hot on the pursuit of ensuring no-one believes their ‘supply’ and will set out with the help of their supporters, to make you seem crazy, or a liar, or evil.

All along, they have no concept of the fact that they have ripped your heart out, stomped all over it and the pain you are left in.

They have no empathy for the hurt they caused, just a complete sense of entitlement, complete lack of insight, complete lack of courage to face what they have done.

And complete lack of love, care, compassion or empathy.

It takes a long time to recover from narcissistic abuse and it’s so hard for many victims to just watch them carry on enjoying their lives, whilst the victim grieves, is confused, is hurt and cannot understand how they can do this, after all they had said and done.

It’s so hard for victims to understand how they were not loved at all, just used and abused, chewed up and then spat back out of the devils mouth and left to deal with all the hurt and pain and deal with others who now believe a whole pack of lies too.

Recovery is slow and painful, especially when it is multiple narc/sociopath abusers and especially when the abuse is still raw.

Recovery includes grieving, twice.

1. Grieving the person you thought they were who you loved and believed loved you too, and then..
2. Grieving the real person they are, the narc, who never cared and used you as supply, with no remorse.

Matt 7:6 Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

I will never forget this verse.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

This article was published in the best selling book written by Shahida Arabi

Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself – available on Amazon at


This article has been published by The Minds Journal – which I am so thankful for.


All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

89 thoughts on “Recovery from narcissistic abuse, is slow and painful ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. What do you do when no one else fully understands what a victim of a narcissist goes through. I’m in a custody battle from my ex who I think hurt my 3 year old son. I’m from a small town police think I’m over emotional and unstable my lawyer doesn’t know this disorder or the harmful effects it has had on me and my child she also makes me feel like I’m exaggerating or targeting me ex .. She just tells me I sound like I need a lot of counselling and that my expectations are very unrealistic – trying to keep my son from being alone with his father.. I am so overwhelmed I find it hard to believe myself when I’m trying to explain the way it feels to be under someone’s spell for so long and suddenly finally see it actually has been abuse all this time ( after spending years defending him and making excuses and trying to fix the relationship not seeing his behaviour toward you as abuse ) then when you finally do see it for the truth and try to get help you wind up feeling worse then ever hopeless overwhelmed and completely defeated !) my own family think I’m crazy and obsessed with him and now that I’m trying to get free they all just think I’m dying to get even with him and make me feel like a horrible person making me question everything … I have no idea who can help me and it’s the most terrifying place I’ve ever been in..

    • I left my husband twice when my children were babies. Now it’s 37 years later and I wish so badly that I had someone to support me back then and tell me to not go back to him. I’m so beaten down by the verbal abuse that I have no self esteem. It’s how he controls my life. I am working on becoming stronger and gaining self-esteem so I can make changes in my life. Your ex needs to realize that he needs to change the way he treats women. He may be threatening you with hurting your son just to keep you under his control. You’re not wrong about him.

    • I’m so sorry. What’s happening to you isn’t right at all. I hope and pray that the custody battle goes well for you. I know how it feels to have no one believe you, I recently left a church lead by sociopaths, so I empathize with you. You aren’t alone in this struggle and things will get better.

    • The facebook page Recovery from narcopath II = LIVE is a great place to start. We are all going thru pretty much the same thing but at different stages. It’s supportive and full of information.

    • I understand darl you feel so alone when this is going on and it hurts so much when people you know friends ,family etc don’t believe you and think you are making it up its so devasting and these monsters keep getting away with it and go thru life unnoticed cause there victims are set up to look crazy and insane they do this long before they even act out without you even noticing it’s terrible and my heart goes out to you ,something has to change in this world and put these monsters away its not fair on all the innocent lives they ruin ,stay strong love and don’t back down as you need to keep your child and yourself free of this but I understand it’s so hard ,
      Take care

    • I really feel for you..I am so lucky to have support. you need to find someone else who has been with a narcissist..He has probably been setting you up to look crazy behind your back for a long time.

  2. How can a person heal when you are still being ripped apart by this person with now causing Parental Alienation ?

  3. I have a situation in my family where my mother, me and siblings were all traumatized by my narcissistic verbally father who is now deceased. One sibling was further traumatized by a narcissist physically abusive husband. That same sibling has been physically and verbally abusive,to all of us but my father since we were young. I can understand that she has her own C-PTSD, but have to protect myself. My mother will only feel sorry for this sibling and not hold her accountable for her actions, citing the abuse from her husband.

    Is my mom doing that due to Her C-PTSD? She refuses to set any boundaries with this sister and continues to get emotionally injured. What is the best way for us to provide support or recommend help for our mom?

  4. Pingback: Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse is Slow and Painful – Cluster B Survivor

  5. A great insight into an issue that has pained many and leaves victims in a very bad place.

  6. Pingback: Two Articles Written by Lilly Hope Lucario ~ published on ClusterSurvivor.Com | Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

  7. Wow this really hit home n strook a cord with me couldn’t of put it better myself

  8. Ty for posting this I just today thought I’ve been casting my pearls before swine and confirmation when reading that you placed that very verse in your writing. Very validating this whole read was. Thank you. My ex and his mother are both Narcopath and I met them both in church. The devil goes to church.

  9. Thank you Lilly. I love that scripture too. ❤️