Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Poem – Insight into evil, is needed, to defeat it.

People talk about evil
They joke
They trivialise
They minimize

Her life has shown
True evil
At work
Many times

The power it has
The manipulation
And it’s covert, slyness

Evil, is all around
Not just the past
She see’s it
Tempting all
Including her

Insight into evil
A blessing
Capacity to see
Not blinded
Able to resist Continue reading


Poem – Stolen Childhood

Sad, frightened, alone
Her world, dangerous
Mastering vigilance
For the harm
She knows
Is coming
Always coming
Always present

In her land of gods and monsters
Safety is priority
More important
Than dolls and skipping
She endures evil
No child
Should ever know of Continue reading


A poem, to my little girl, inside me.

Another poem.

From my 42 year old adult me, to my hurt little girl inside me.

My Promise To You

Little girl
Perfect, innocent
Your halo
Of white curls
Big beautiful eyes
Hiding the pain
You will hold within
For much time to come

That hurt, that pain
Deep inside
Will flow out
One day
To heal you
Deep within Continue reading

Lonely girl. No more.

Lonely girl
Sits on her bed
Tears rolling down
Her cheeks, too often wet.
The pain never ends.

She looks for light
She looks for a saviour
She tries to find joy
Wherever she can.
In all the wrong people.

Cruel, heartless people
Surround her.
Death calls to her.

She loves them
Even as a child
She sees their sadness
But, does not understand
Why their sadness
Is cast her way, upon her.

But, God was always there
Always protecting
His grace abound
Always knowing when
The time was right
He would draw her
Lift her up Continue reading


Some little gems, I have learned help lead to a happier life.

Some of the secrets to a happier life…….I am trying to remain focussed on, to help in my spiritual and healing journey.

Boundaries – healthy and appropriate ones, very important, particularly emotional ones.

Lower your expectations of people. Most people don’t have very high standards.

When people give you advice, who haven’t lived your life, try not to get angry, just mentally file it…..in the bin.

Accept many people often lack self insight, insight into life, life experiences, loyalty, emotional intelligence, integrity.

Accept many people lack manners and decency, but don’t assume you have to tolerate it in your life.

Accept that as wrong as it is, this world is increasingly more narcissistic and society encourages and enables it. But don’t join them. Continue reading

I bought my new Bible, and I know what I want for Christmas.

I decided to buy a new Bible, an NRSV one, because I know this is the best translation from the original.

I only had 2 choices, it was either a bog standard one, that cost $15, or a really fancy one, that cost $40.

The $15 one, won.

My husband suggested a Bible cover/case for it, and there were lots to choose from, again varying price ranges too.

And then I saw the perfect one. A beautiful purple colour, with a suede feel, and I love that, being a tactile person.

What clinched it though, was on the front, in beautiful embroidered lettering, was the Serenity Prayer!

Perfect, so as it was also a little expensive, I told hubby, that’s what I want for Christmas.

This I need to keep in mind, every day;

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


‘Just think of self’ and all the cognitive distortions I see running rampant in Christianity.

I am always interested when I see people, including Christians, encouraging others to just think of themselves.

In a debate on a Christian thread, someone voiced an opinion to just walk away from unhealthy/abusive Church’s.

How selfish. Where’s the empathy/compassion for others?

What about the spiritual impact and long term consequences to all the others at that Church?

But, I guess so many people are so conditioned by society to consider self only, that walking away, is a good, easy, self centred option. And using justifications such as ‘it’s not my job to judge’, helps make these wrong decisions.

But, to anyone with concern for others, insight and awareness – simply walking away doesn’t sit well, as that is self interested and not what a Christian, would do.

Those who are more progressed in their faith, are called to not ignore, condone, or excuse sin, false teachings, spiritual abuse, unhealthy Church behaviours/issues/doctrine, cognitive distortions, that are rife within Christianity.

We are called to righteously judge, have righteous anger – as Jesus did many times whilst here throughout his teachings and ministry.

We are also called to act appropriately, but not repay evil with evil, to be concerned with others and their long term spiritual life. I also believe we are called to seek wise counsel, as we can all be deceived, Satan is very clever.

Even when people don’t want to hear it, even when they resist it with vigour, close their ears to the Truth, we are still called to expose it and not just walk away.

Once exposed, it is then our job to leave it with God. And even He will not force people, to listen to Him and in fact many Christians are not even worshiping God, they are worshiping their own crafted, convenient god.

Living the life of a Christian, doesn’t make for an easy life, but was Jesus’ life easy – no. Continue reading

‘Other people’s god, is my devil’

This has just come to me as an excellent title for a book on all those ‘believers’, who worship a false god, not knowing who God is at all.

It would be a great ‘watchman role’ book.

God will say to so many people in the future ‘I never knew you’.

And the reason is, because they do not know who God is and are not worshiping Him.

Where this stands in their salvation, I don’t know, all I know is, I need to get it right.

And I will keep learning about God until the day I die, because I know this will be a lifelong journey.


Baptism by water, is different to/from Baptism of the Holy Spirit.

I have been reading a lot about this, read much about how the Baptist Church gets so much wrong about baptism, salvation, once saved – always saved and all the other non Biblical beliefs they follow.

Having started out Christian life, in a Baptist Church and being delivered from that terrible example, cult-like behaviours, much heresy and some pretty horrible spiritual abuse, I am unlearning some of what I heard there, although much of it, I was very aware seemed wrong and I know God was protecting me from learning all the wrong messages.

So, following this, I am very interested in water baptism and what it is for – being for the repentance of our sins?

I am already aware it does not equal being saved (i.e. not getting your ticket to heaven), or to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Continue reading

Music that shows how far I have come, but how little in some ways, too.

Music has always been a huge need in my life, to express my emotions.

In my late 20’s, these were my favourite songs, that depicted, who I was then.

I was suppressing everything, but it was all there, in my heart and soul, causing me deep pain that I couldn’t release, because I had no-one to help me.

Emotionally, psychologically, I was on my own, trying to fit into a world I didn’t understand, who didn’t understand me, desperately trying to find fun and joy, in all the wrong places.

Makes me sad to see how I was then, and how I am still wrestling with some issues, like trust. I revert back to these deeply ingrained issues, when faced with too much pain, hurt and overwhelmed with emotions, I can’t handle.

‘stupid girl’ – I believed this was who I was, fully.

‘a million lies to sell yourself’ – lies I told myself that I wasn’t damaged, minimizing my past, suppressing and stuffing it, to be able to cope, thinking I was like those around me. I never was, of course.

‘don’t believe in fear, pain, love, hate’

Then, I was blocking out all pain and fear, I had learned I needed to.

I definitely didn’t believe in love, I had never been shown any.

But, I also didn’t believe in hate. I’ve never held hate in my heart. Continue reading