Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


It’s my youngest sister’s Birthday tomorrow.

I have no contact with my highly dysfunctional family of origin.

I love them, but I have safe, healthy boundaries with my family of origin, which allows me to heal, from the toxic severely dysfunctional family abuse, I endured all my life, until recently.

I truly hope she has a lovely Birthday, I have never wanted anything, but good for her.

I hope her day is good, fun and she enjoys time with her own family. Continue reading


I have learned more theology in 4 months, than I did in the previous 4 years…

I know why this is as well.

The church I went to, for 4 years, didn’t teach theology, they didn’t know it. They had too much ignorance and too much pride, too much religion, too much false and worshipped the church and themselves, as their idol, not Jesus.

Not uncommon within church’s these days – theology is at it’s lowest since Jesus ministered & taught the disciples.

Since moving to a new Church, where I know I was spirit led, I am now learning theology, more within 4 months, than in the previous 4 years.

I am constantly aware, how much protection and grace I have received in my life and I continue to, and I have been delivered from evil many times, including this year.

I am so aware of myself and have such deep self insight, I know what is me and what isn’t.

I also have humility to know I need this help, I have to gain theology knowledge and be within a real Body of Christ. Continue reading


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Mary of Bethany – much to learn about woman roles…

I read an amazing book, recommended by my Christian doctor and it blew me away –

When Life and Beliefs Collide – Carolyn Custis James

What I learned about Mary of Bethany;

This all blows much wrong belief about ‘women’s roles in Church, marriage, etc, out of the water.

Women in church’s often believe their only role is Martha, but actually Mary was encouraged, to not be a ‘Martha’.

– Mary was encouraged by Jesus, to learn theology, at His feet, daily.

– Mary understood Jesus’ mission, more than the male disciples, who didn’t ‘get it’ until much later.

– Jesus wants everyone – men and women to learn theology.

– Mary due to her learning was the first NT theologian Continue reading


Theology understanding is not optional – it is VITAL!

Last night I was involved in some sad interaction, where I offered to seek some Biblical advice for a friend, and mentioned the minister at our Church had considerable Biblical theology study and is currently doing his doctorate. I also mentioned theology study, is needed to interpret the Bible correctly.

This was meant as genuine, appropriate advice and help.

Sadly, it was not taken this way, and a few comments were made, disagreeing with what I had stated – with the affect that ‘anyone’ can read the Bible and interpret it okay and it is easy to understand.

Which is such utter rubbish and is a doctrine that is often preached by ministers, who do not know the Bible, have no theology training themselves and do not know the Bible is actually hard to interpret, due to many reasons.

My ‘friend’ decided to be patronising, as she sometimes is, despite her much weaker faith and this shows by the ‘idols’ she believes are knowledgeable, like Joyce Meyer. Continue reading


Seeing people I care about, being led astray, saddens me greatly.

It causes grieving in my soul, to see people I care about, completely heading down the wrong track and believing immature, unbiblical beliefs and having prideful, immature opinions, that cannot handle/understand the opinion of someone, more spiritually progressed in their faith.

At the moment though, I am also very aware of my need to remove all negative, toxic influences and I know this is needed.

I know my network needs to be positive, encouraging, not bristly and patronising people, preaching about something they do not understand anyway.

While I am healing, my network, needs to be tight, and only those who will not hinder my healing or faith, in any way. My boundaries, now have to be very healthy.

Sadly, it is often those who claim to be Christians, who have to worst attitudes and often have their ears closed to the truth, as God explains so clearly in His word. Continue reading


Poem, The Baptist Church

Baptist heresy, alive and kicking
In a Baptist cult, in your town
Learn doctrine, lies, church rules
Not theology, on that they frown

Continuing to preach heresy from their ‘stage’
UnBiblical views, they cannot prove
Don’t question them, or expose them
Or to another Church, you will need to move

‘Once saved, always saved’
‘You can continue to sin’, their key
The greatest lie they preach
Not based on any theology

‘You can do nothing to earn salvation’
‘You can do nothing either, to lose it’
This heresy always perpetuated
From false teacher stage, their pulpit Continue reading


Poem – Reflections at Rainbow Beach

Reflections At Rainbow Beach

White powdery sands
Azure blue sea
White tipped surf
Perfect sky
Peaceful
Such bliss

Tranquillity
Few people
Stress eases
Tension unwinding
In peace
So quiet Continue reading


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Today I learned life, after life, after death and why Satan exists.

I always wondered why, when God’s most beautiful angel, turned evil and was kicked out of heaven, God didn’t just destroy him and his minions and then evil would not be in this world?

I got the answer today.

Because angels have free will too. So Satan has free will and all his evil’s that followed him.

And I always knew God does ‘not’ give us a bad life.

I hate that expression ‘God gave you this life because you were strong enough to live it’.

I always knew, this did not fit with my idea of our perfect loving God. Why would someone who ‘loves me’ – give me a horrendous life of abuse?

God doesn’t give us evil, or abuse, or sickness, of suffering…..

That is of Satan and human’s free will. Continue reading