Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Sarcastic Humour – Is It Okay? Narcissists Love It.


Have just seen a quote pic, I would much rather not have seen.


I hate triggers. I wish my PTSD, would go away.

But, it doesn’t go away. It’s still there.


I love humour, of all kinds and I can have can have a sarcastic sense of humour – and I find sarcasm funny – in the right context, with the right people.

But, I also see sarcasm, used by people with very negative personality traits – to actually put people down and elevate themselves.

I know one such person, who has a childish, sarcastic personality. He also has very high level narcissistic traits, and is an abuser – unable to admit it, a liar and a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

One of the big reasons why he is a narc, is because his emotional development is stuck, in young childhood. He is very immature, still laughing at toilet humour – like my 11 yr old son does and even his wife has to ‘mother’ him about this – her being the controlling narc type, who likes to think she is ‘above’ her husband.

This man’s type of humour – led to a quote/pic – that became one that I always thought of in regard to him, and I have just seen it now. And he encouraged that – as like one of our ‘little in jokes’. Part of the grooming crap.

Makes me want to vomit now, thinking about it.

The quote is….

‘Don’t take yourself so seriously, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll laugh at you’.

Another quote he likes is…

‘Sarcasm, is one of the services I offer’.

He loves to laugh at people. As narcs do. Only he does it in his charming, silly way – that fools everyone. More ‘centre of attention, I need everyone to love me’ issues of his.

I also don’t use sarcasm, until I know someone really well. And I am not childish.

But, I do wonder about sarcasm, and whether it is for many, just a covert, acceptable way to say something a little mean and get away with it.

It is definitely a negative personality trait, if used often, and I do see that.

It can be very clever, but very negative. And can hurt people.

I also tend to test people – not in planned way – I do it automatically. To see how they will react – I’m someone who is constantly trying to work people out.

So, for me, it is often about that, rather than trying to put people down, although when people feel put down – is when you often see them react in a more ‘real’ way.

Which also reminds me, thinking about this narc’s humour of something.

More triggers.


At this church, we watched a Christian Comedian Ken Davis – who is a very funny man, on DVD. This man makes his living by his humour.

I laughed all the way through it, I love humour. I can be funny, but in no way am I a comedian – but I truly appreciate those who are. And many others were laughing a lot too, through this DVD.

At the end, I said to this narc – Ken Davis is SO funny, he’s way funnier than you.’

To which this narcs face dropped and he said in a defensive voice – totally seriously – no he isn’t – I’m funnier than him’.

And I remember thinking – wow!

How deluded is he, if he thinks he is funnier than Ken Davis – which he isn’t.

This narc was not happy at all, that I considered someone else, funnier.

I also got the feeling, he was jealous that this DVD created more laughter – than he gets when cracking his ‘jokes’ up on the ‘stage’ when he ‘preaches’.

More evidence of his insecurity, lack of self insight and narcissism.

So, I am thinking a lot about sarcasm, and whether this is something I need to stop.

Or whether it is okay, in healthy doses, with the right people.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

9 thoughts on “Sarcastic Humour – Is It Okay? Narcissists Love It.

  1. I think that sarcasm is no different than any other part of language except in the way it can easily hurt people. Really, any words can hurt so it’s how you use it that counts, I think. Sarcasm and immaturity are definitely not a good mix.
    This guy sounds like he defines himself by how other’s view him. I’ve been guilty of that in my life as well so I’m not one to talk, but that’s what it seems like from here.

    I wish people would just be more empathetic. The world would be so much nicer if people bothered to care.

    • I have also defined myself by the way others have seen me, so I understand that. It comes from a lack of self esteem.

      But, this man is a spiritual abuser, who groomed me. That’s why I stated ‘grooming crap’. This being abuse and trauma, as confirmed by people who know the details.

      The triggers I have, is because what I endured from him, was trauma, abuse and evil and now has affected my PTSD, adding to it, with more trauma.

      I do have empathy for narcissism, and whilst I understand it, I also don’t have to like them, or feel sorry for them – they still made a decision to abuse and then lie and deny and harm my life massively.

      I have been told I have deep empathy, but need boundaries on it.

      • I suspect that most of us who have suffered at the hands of someone we should have been able to trust have that sense of empathy for other’s struggles. Boundaries are definitely required though, I agree. xx

  2. Well, I have to disagree, interestingly, narcissists, and sociopaths, have usually suffered some parental relationship issues in childhood – but they have a complete lack of empathy.

    Most people who lack empathy, didn’t learn it during childhood. Which means they had poor childhoods.

    And most of society lack empathy. Real empathy is rare.

    Most people who think they have empathy – actually just have sympathy. There is a big difference.

    It’s why there are so many people in the world, suffering poverty, abuse, trauma’s of war etc – and not enough is being done to help them.

    Because society lacks empathy. Empathy means we act.

    But, yes – boundaries are very much needed.

    And working out abusers and how they act – helps healing and I am able to share that, here and on my community page https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD?ref=hl
    of nearly 10,000 people.

    So empathy, is good when put into action.

  3. My narc likes to remind me that he can be funny “too”. His humour is forced and always sarcastic, meant for HIM to laugh at. Ex he says to our son “well that geeky kid did beat you on that test” a grimace comes over my sons face. Then narc says “what? I was just kidding”. Nope. Didn’t feel a bit funny.
    I love to laugh with my kids. Maybe my sense of humour is a little dark at times. My daughter tells me its my fault she is the way she is. Lol. But I think its a good way to cope

  4. From my experience with narcs, sarcasm is a red flag. It’s an easy way to put you down and not an intimate way of communicating at all. A dose here and there is okay for anyone. But I just spent an afternoon with an ex BF narc and it was filled with sarcasm. I felt drained and reminded why I’m not with him. He does genuinely communicate.