I’m quite sure this is supposed to be the other way around.
My avoidance stuff continues and now added to that I am having somatic symptoms of anxiety in rash’s, on Tuesday, yesterday and today. I am increasingly having dizzy spells and functioning less and less. This has been increasing for the last few months.
I am completely overwhelmed with too much life experience of humanity, too much understanding of how manipulative, covert and increasingly evil is working within this world, I pick on traits and issues within people too well, and I know psychology aspects of all this too. And too much personal experience, of how much harm this all causes.
It has been identified that I don’t have the filter to address a balance of seeing all this bad, and I don’t see enough good in society. But, I am sick of feeling a failure about this and after all I have been through – which I do acknowledge fully now, I think I have good reason for this.
And I know I am being a really crap Christian, not focussing on the good, and the good news, but I don’t have that level of joy in this hope enough to just ignore what’s happening now. I don’t have enough confidence – or trust in Christianity, or in people. Not that I don’t have complete trust in God, I do, but most of Christianity doesn’t reflect God, in my view. Christianity fails badly. And that grieves me deeply. I have faith in God, but not in Christianity and that is clearly a big problem. Continue reading