Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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My trauma related gun phobia – can’t avoid the police forever!

Tackling my gun/police phobia…

I avoid the police like the plague, because they carry guns and I hate guns and have a severe phobia about them – all trauma related.

I have successfully avoided being pulled over by the police – for 8 years. I will drive miles out of my way, to avoid them when I see they are pulling people over.

But, I knew it would happen one day.

And this morning was it.

On my way back from dropping my son off at Kindy, nearly home and then there were the police – pulling people over.

Shit!!!

Too late to turn around, I had no choice, but follow the cops directions and pull into the little bus lane area. Continue reading


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Overwhelming moments, of realising how different I am….still.

It is hard when continually facing how different I am to those around me.

We all generalise about what we know, our own life experiences.

People who have had average lives, generalise too. What they see, what they see needs to change, based upon their own lives.

So, while some around me are working out that giving more to others, being less selfish, finding time to do more good for others etc – all wonderful things people think about…

I am there, trying to work on the opposite – how to not sacrifice myself for others completely, as I learned in childhood and as continued into adulthood.

Yes, in childhood, this was done by others, teaching me wrongly I had no right to any self needs, my needs were not of importance, I deserved nothing good and my purpose was to be the needs of others only.

But, into adulthood, this continued and became my way of living, and I sacrificed myself further, putting others first, not being aware of my needs, and getting very hurt as a result, by all those who took advantage of this.

I’ve had to learn, that I need to focus on me too.

I’ve had to learn how to not assume everyone else is more important, and not feel guilty for having needs of my own. Which, I still struggle with. Continue reading