Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Different, doesn’t always mean bad…but it often means lonely.


People don’t like ‘different’, people who don’t conform, who don’t go along with the unspoken rules they choose to follow.

I have had a life, that shows me not to follow what doesn’t feel right, that has made me different.

I see so much more, since becoming a Christian, I see how evil is so covertly working throughout society, and within Christianity.

I see issues like materialism, consumerism, narcissism, and many more and I won’t accept they are okay. Because they are not.

I want to support the weak and vulnerable, the hurt and needy, and that doesn’t go down well with those who choose to ignore these people, and focus on self.

I won’t conform to religion within Christianity – their denominations, rules led driven ways that I don’t see are necessary, needed or what Jesus wanted us to be.

I often think about…

“for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.”

This is what Jesus wants from us, to help the needy, and not ignore them.

I do this every day, because I know it’s needed. And it is a privilege to do so.

And yet, that gets ignored, and people focus on what they believe I say is wrong. The things they don’t like hearing.

It’s very depressing and I can feel that full on withdrawing now. I don’t want to go to Church, I don’t want to catch up with friends, I just want to be on my own.

Life’s hard when you are different and when people want you to wear a mask of their version of ‘normality’.

I have been lonely all my life, and I am starting to see, I always will be.

I didn’t choose all the abuse and trauma, that made me who I am, but I will be dealing with the consequences, for the rest of my life. I know that, because I am not a fool, or willing to delude myself.

I haven’t had an average life, with normal life experiences, my many severe trauma’s are at the severe end of the spectrum, and unusual lives, do create unusual people.

All the people who collectively screwed up my life, have succeeded in screwing it up enough, that I will never fit in and never be normal.

And when you are really lonely, it’s hard not to accept that they all, won.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Different, doesn’t always mean bad…but it often means lonely.

  1. The winner is the enlightened one; and those who are too self-absorbed to see the good you contribute are most certainly NOT enlightened. Hugs!

  2. You are a non conformist and I say that I’d rather be lonely and one of those than anything else!

    • Feeling grateful that they didn’t like the greatest non-confirmist and people later all pray with him in their hearts. Hopefully. Broken o’ktristay

  3. There comes a time in many lives of people on the margins of society when saying “I lost” is not losing but God’s way of saying “you are humble my good and faithful servant” now go and rejoice and you are free to do it alone. He didn’t create us to stand in places that hate us and leave us with no hope or joy. If we can be most joyful alone in his creation, we can still feel his blessings. He will take care of injustices. Sometimes, it’s best to walk away and wish those who won that God is merciful on everyone. I have been lonely and misunderstood since a coma in 1991. I no longer fight prejudices against me. I walk away now. That small still voice inside, says enough. Live alone. Be free. Be joyful. And be of forgiveness in your heart. When you know God is on your side, it doesn’t matter anymore