Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Yes, I am supposed to have joy at what is to come, no I can’t do it. The cause – shame and guilt.

I’ve heard several times, Christians are meant – no matter what they endure – to focus on Jesus’ return and all that will follow. The joy of the Kingdom of God to come, where the end of all suffering, pain, illness, tears – will be brought about.

I get it, I see it, I see this is very appealing to focus on and can allow some people to get through their trials.


This doesn’t happen for me, because I cannot ignore what is going on now, and focus on the future. People are suffering now. People are in pain, starving, being abused, being ill treated….now.

It’s all very well to think of yourself and think – well I’m okay – I know where I’m heading, I’m saved.

I can’t think in this kind of shallow manner and just avoid the harsh reality of what is happening now. It’s just not who I am.

Every life experience I have had, from as early as I can ever remember, is about needing to focus on the hurt and pain, of myself and far more so of others….now.

Asking me to change that….is like asking me to turn myself into a man.

I am who I am, my whole life and every part of my heart, my mind and my soul, has been sculpted by all I have endured and my fear for others, into who I am now.

I wish people would understand that. But, they don’t.

I see so much of how society thinks; ‘you have a choice to be happy’, ‘just focus on happy thoughts, ‘just count your blessings’, ‘just think of what you need’ and Christianity’s ‘focus on Jesus’ return’. Continue reading


I don’t think I will ever get over the first 2 decades of my life.

I am aware that my main issues of my complex PTSD symptoms are fear and fear of many things. I have lived fear since I can ever remember. It’s a big part of my life and none of it, I deserved. I was a child.

Fear of getting close to people, fear of being hurt, fear of trusting, fear of abandonment, fear of being betrayed, fear of ……….well everything really that involves people and the many ways they can hurt people.

My childhood and everyone in it, did a really good job of screwing me up.

I can intellectualise so much about why I think the way I do.

Even the latest crash, being about people I trust – having compassion for paedophiles and sex offenders, to the point where they consider their needs, and no doubt fall for their sob stories……as greater than protecting children. That hurts. Deeply. Continue reading

It’s NOT Biblical discipline – it is CHILD ABUSE.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Religion has a horrible way of allowing abusive behaviours, and claiming them to be in the name of ‘God’.

‘God wants me to thrash you with a belt – so I must’.

WRONG! This is abuse and many people enable it.

The cult-like church I went to and was abused by – have ‘parenting’ courses, only the inner circle are allowed to attend.

I was never ‘allowed’…..because they knew I would strongly disagree with the abuse they promoted.

They have 3 stages of ‘parenting’ all the inner circle are meant to comply with. And you are frowned upon, if you don’t.

All three stages involve and focus on physical punishment.

From babies onwards.

The people who run the parenting course, who are also elders in the church…

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The only authority I recognise, is Jesus.

I don’t have this need to consider ‘authority’ in people. No person is in authority of me, including my husband. Jesus is and that is okay, because He is perfect.

I don’t care how people want to interpret Bible verses about authority, I know human sin and how Satan works, and I will not disregard that, to tow the line.

If I have something to say, I will say it. I will disagree with someone if I think they are wrong, and I don’t care who they are, or who they think they are. Continue reading