God knows how honest we are being and He knows how honest I am.
I’ve told God, I don’t want to carry my load anymore. I’ve had enough. I’m too tired, too exhausted, too sick of dealing with it all.
I’m at the point where I can’t leave my house, without being deeply anxious.
I do school runs, because I have to, and that is it.
I manage my anxiety behaviour and emotions while out of my home, which apparently is a good thing. But, it comes out in hives and my body is reacting to the fact that I have to suppress how I feel when I am out of the house.
I’m not a perfect person, but I don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve to have had so many people hurt me.
I don’t deserve to be so scared of humanity, and it’s evil capabilities, that I can’t leave my home.
I tried for a very long time, to just get on with life and not let all the harm caused, to stop me living. I’ve been strong for a really long time.
But, the continual accumulation, has become more than my capacity to endure and manage.
And I am deeply fearful, that if there is any more, it truly will be fatal.
My isolation, is now a life preserving need.
And only one I am continuing with, because I have children to love and raise.