Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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It’s like Satan is twisting the knife.

Thank God, I have this blog.

The child of the ‘best friends’ of the abusive pastor, is going to the same junior school as my son.

I didn’t expect to see them at this school and I am fully aware it is their right to take their child to the school, but it has made life harder, because having PTSD, means every time I see these people, it makes my mind jump to the abuser pastor and the trauma caused to me and all the intense emotions of all that. PTSD is triggers and I cannot help those, they are involuntary.

As the school runs are something I have to do, and I feel so unsafe everywhere, I find the school runs difficult. Because of these abuser friends, and because the other school my older son attends is in the same suburb and very close to the abuser and the abusive church.

So far, I have avoided this friend of the abuser pastor and stayed away from her and yet still I come out in hives every time I do school pick up.

Today, she decided she ‘had’ to brazenly come and talk to me. So ‘it wouldn’t be awkward’. I could barely hold it together, could feels the tears and my voice struggling to speak. It felt like eternity she was stood there asking me questions. Continue reading

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On the wrong medication for suicide ideation.

I am having terrible headaches, sharp pains in my head nearly every time I get up. I am dizzy a lot, feel nauseous, feel weak, dissociating and this is increasing. I told my doctor this the last time I saw her.

So I’ve now looked up the side effects of Effexor and all these symptoms are common with Effexor and can increase over time.

Also, I noted that Effexor is not one prescribed for potential suicide issues, as there are increased rates of successful suicide and self harm on this medication.

And it’s the one I take.

So, as I am having suicide ideation, I probably shouldn’t be on it, but if I stop taking it, it will increase my risk of suicide further. Continue reading