Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

So deeply sad about Charlotte Dawson’s suicide.

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So deeply sad to read about her suicide and how the pain she was enduring, became greater than her capacity to cope.

The internet is filed with all the posts about her death and about the social networking bullying, inciting her to go and kill herself. These people using fake accounts of course, as the weak, gutless and evil people they are. And it is evil that incites someone to kill themselves. It’s not ‘bullying’ – it is sociopathic evil.

I feel so deeply sad for Charlotte, than in her last hours of life, she was in so much pain. It make me cry, even while writing this, because I know her pain and I deeply wish she had not felt that.

No-one deserves to die this way. And I know that pain, to want to end your life because it hurts so badly. And whatever the reasons for the pain – it doesn’t matter – when life becomes that dark and that painful, that suicide is the only way to end it.

It was interesting to read how she bravely campaigned against bullying and her compassion was such that she used her own pain, to help others. It’s often those who have suffered deeply, who have the most empathy and compassion and often are those who have little real support themselves.

Severe depression and other illnesses that can cause someone to feel suicidal, are deeply painful to endue and no-one understands that, unless they have lived it.

People often judge and call it weakness and selfishness. Such a massive lack of empathy and such hateful judgements to make about people in so much emotional pain.

I wonder if Charlotte had any real support in her life, or whether people ignored her, like they do with me. I’ve reached out to 3 people this week and told them I have been suicidal, and they have all ignored me since.

I am blessed with a husband, who whilst he doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do, he does – most of the time – just accept the way it is for me and helps me.

My husband, is my only friend that accepts me for who I am unconditionally. Everyone else, either ignores me, or expects me to be different and hide this part of me, because it doesn’t fit into their lives.

I don’t care, I have put on my personal social media page that I understand how Charlotte Dawson felt and I know her pain, because I have been there many times, including this week. It will get ignored, because people don’t care enough to have empathy and put someone else’s pain, above their own needs.

It’s sad, to think that when I lived my life like society expects – and masked the pain I feel – I had lots of friends.

Now, I am totally honest and open about how I feel, people ignore me and don’t want to know about that part of me.

It’s okay to say how sad it is when a celebrity dies by suicide, but not have any desire to help someone who is suicidal.

Humanity never ceases to disappoint me, never ceases to disgust me and never ceases to show how it fails people all the time and justifies it.

People who need help the most, are the ones who often receive the least help.

And the people that suffer the most, are usually the ones who try the most, to help others who suffer.

There is something about deep ongoing suffering, that brings out a level of compassion and integrity and honesty in people, that people who don’t know suffering, are often not capable of.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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