Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Another Empath Expressing Much Of What I See In Our ‘Apath/Narcissistic’ Society

http://beforeitsnews.com/strange/2013/12/excuse-for-minionsapaths-typical-brains-are-typically-warped-2453272.html

This was good reading, and echoes a lot of what I understand about society and the huge proportion of how he terms them “apaths/minions/selfish/lazy/cowardly types” – and he states….

“You see, its a form of retardation. No– really. I’m not kidding. Their brains are fucked up.”

Interesting and certainly a lot more bluntly stated, than I would express it.

Yes, I agree, the largest proportion of the population, are lacking in emotional intelligence, selfish, cowardly, ‘all about me’, often narcissistic, and I have seen this very clearly.

I also agree they have more ‘issues’ than they will ever realise, or acknowledge, or have to capacity to understand, because their self insight, is also very lacking, plus their ego’s won’t let them admit, just how lacking they are.

I guess you can call their emotional development – retarded. And I do see how they are actually ‘fucked up’, but have no clue.

Denial and ignorance…….is a safe place to live. For them.

They sure do love their ‘easy lives’ and fight hard to keep it that way. Their capacity to ignore all the real suffering in this world, is impressive, but very sad and very immature. Continue reading


“Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry”….

‘Born to Die – Lana Del Rey, is a very special song to me.

This song, is one that has huge meaning for me. The first time I saw this video and song, was together on Youtube and it was like a huge hit of ‘OMG this could be about me’. I broke down and it was only after watching it many times, that I could watch it without crying.

Music has always been a huge need in my life to cope, to express how I feel, to know others understand how I feel.

I relate to a lot of Lana Del Rey’s music, as it is about the darker sides of life, which I have endured far too much.

This song and video relates to me being abused as a child, it relates to being with ‘evil’ as an adolescence – even down to reference to the gun at her head, Continue reading


More Info Comes Out About Charlotte Dawson And I Deeply Relate.

It has been revealed that she was sexually abused as a child by an elderly neighbour, had been abandoned and adopted when very young, had a very ‘difficult’ relationship with her step father and had an attraction to narcissistic men.

So was a survivor of many kinds of abuse, sociopathic, narcissistic abuse, abandonment, neglect, sexual abuse. This is so unbelievably close to home for me. So much is so similar to my childhood.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/celebrities/dear-charlotte-dawson-we-let-you-down/

I ‘knew’ there would be more, about her childhood.

I ‘knew’ there would be more to her, that I relate to, because I understand who she was.

I understand her being outspoken, opinionated, and feeling so much pain for others, and herself due to people’s cruelty.

I understand her passion for honesty and being upfront and open about all she was. Continue reading


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I can’t go to Bible study anymore, and that upsets me a lot.

I have been attending Bible studies for a few months now, and regardless of anything else, the Bible teachings are good and I always gain a lot from them.

Having reached out to two people (who both attend this Bible study), about my suicidal state, had them both ignore that since, I feel hurt and that is a normal reaction, I am allowed to have. And I get it, they don’t care and why should they. Why should anyone. No-one ever has.

Now, I won’t feel safe going. It’s my empathic nature to feel hurt deeply and my empathic nature and PTSD, to avoid and withdraw. Continue reading


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Empathy Distress Fatigue, a more appropriate term than Compassion Fatigue

I have read a fair amount compassion fatigue and I know it is not just about caregivers (although that has been my role since childhood), and I have some symptoms, withdrawing, wishing I didn’t have empathy, wishing sometimes that I could not care like the 60% of the population that are apaths.

I don’t have that ability to have apathy, or be an apath, without withdrawing from society completely. I hate apathy. It’s what causes so much harm in this world.

Apathy is about selfishness, weakness, lack of empathy, being ‘all about me’, not being willing to take a stand for honesty and truth, ignoring sin and harm caused, minimizing other people’s suffering, enabling suffering – all the things I hate in this world, because I see the greater effects it has for millions of people suffering.

I have always known there are far more apathetic people like this. I have seen them all my life, and I need a break from society and all these people.

Most people I know and have met are apathetic. They delude themselves, to believe they have some level of empathy, but they don’t. When you scratch the surface of their shallow character, I can see they have no empathy at all. No emotional intelligence and mostly the ‘good’ they do is actually self serving to make themselves feel better, not for others at all and I can spot this a mile off. And this to me is lying, deceiving people, and I can see that too.

And this distresses me. Because people in the world are suffering, and most people who are not suffering, don’t give a shit. they just complain and whinge about their minor life issues, like having a cold, or not sleeping well one night. Pathetic. They clearly ignore all the ‘real’ suffering in this world.

‘Apathy is the world greatest weapon of mass destruction’. A quote I agree with completely.

This following is an exert from Oxford Neuroscientists…

Empathic Distress Fatigue Rather Than Compassion Fatigue? Integrating Findings from Empathy Research in Psychology and Social Neuroscience

Olga Klimecki

Tania Singer

In this chapter, we discuss the role of empathy as the main precursor for prosocial behavior, taking perspectives that span from social and developmental psychology to social neuroscience. Continue reading


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Spiritual Gift of Intercession: Burden Bearing – The Biblical Term For Being An Empath

Knowing what I know now, I also know being an empath is a gift from God. I have always known my gifts are from God.

Doing research on where this empath fits into God’s plan and where it is within the Bible, I have already read about Ezekiel’s empathy – his empath gifting, his burden bearing.

Interestingly, I have being referred to as being like Ezekiel’s role, by both of my counsellors, due to having a Watchman role, but it would seem I have more in common with him, and his gifting, although no where near on the same scale.

God will be equipping people, with this gifting – it is not ‘just a story from the Bible’.

This was from a Christian website, dedicated to Christian Burden Bearing and is exactly the same as what I have read about being an Empath, only from a Biblical and God given gift aspect.

below is from http://christianempaths.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/spiritual-gift-of-intercession-burden_11.html

Chapter Two – Are you a Burden Bearer? Here is a list of questions to help to see if you think you have the gift of burden bearing?

Have you ever thought that you were broken?
Do you feel emotions intensely and do not know why you are feeling that way?
Do you feel like a Chameleon around different groups, always changing?
Do you wonder who you are?
Do you ever feel you are accursed of God, but you know He loves you?
Do you hate going into public places?
Can you tell who is suffering when you walk into a room?
Can you tell what they are going through?
Do you get sick and go to the doctor and nothing is wrong with you?
Do you see pain in the world and cry out to God with weeping and sorrow for them?
Do you feel rejected by people?
Do you like to isolate from people when it gets too bad? Continue reading


I identify with Charlotte Dawson’s character and soul.

So much about Charlotte Dawson’s character and soul, I identify with.

She was opinionated, very honest, willing to be completely upfront about her life, compassionate and wanting to help others, funny, when she was up – she was up, when she was down, is was a terribly dark, desperate place to be.

A tweet about her death sums her up “Troubled. Funny. Opinionated. Wry. Clever. Beautiful. Passionate. Wanting to b loved. That’s the Charlotte Dawson many of us knew. Rest now.”

And this is me – without the fame/celebrity part and she is obviously physically beautiful, she was a model and I am not.

She used her depression, celebrity and the cyber bullying, to raise awareness to help others. She didn’t keep it to herself – because she wanted others to not suffer and wanted to help others. Her compassion, is so obvious and her empathy was deep – although all those apaths – 60% of the population – will not understand this. I do.

She was a troubled woman, struggling, fighting for her life, and she couldn’t keep fighting any longer.

She was brave, courageous, honest, open, compassionate, wanted to be loved, deeply affected by the cruelty of others, not able to shake that off like all the apaths in the world would.

When you feel everything on a deeper level – you hurt on a deeper level, you are affected by the harm, and cruelty of others – on a far deeper level and most people will not understand this, but I do.

The internet and social media was not a safe place for Charlotte, and I wish she had not continued using it. I wish she had stepped away from celebrity and everything that goes with it. Continue reading