Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I can’t go to Bible study anymore, and that upsets me a lot.

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I have been attending Bible studies for a few months now, and regardless of anything else, the Bible teachings are good and I always gain a lot from them.

Having reached out to two people (who both attend this Bible study), about my suicidal state, had them both ignore that since, I feel hurt and that is a normal reaction, I am allowed to have. And I get it, they don’t care and why should they. Why should anyone. No-one ever has.

Now, I won’t feel safe going. It’s my empathic nature to feel hurt deeply and my empathic nature and PTSD, to avoid and withdraw.

It’s hard enough being agoraphobic as it is, to go anywhere. Bible study I did feel safe to go to.

I shouldn’t have said anything to either of these people. I should know better than to reach out. I don’t know why I ever do this. It’s like my self harm, to try to trust anyone.

Now, that they have ignored and avoided me, I am hurt by that, it makes going there way harder, so I know I won’t go.

My anxiety is already bad enough, along with all my other symptoms.

I truly wish I had said nothing, to any of them. But, I was hurting and needed to share it, and I wanted people to pray for me, because I am scared sometimes that I won’t make it. I’m scared I won’t survive this suffering.

I was stupid, again, to expect anything of virtue, or empathy, from humans.

I will just study at home, and pray I do understand whatever I need to.

I know Jesus doesn’t let me down.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I can’t go to Bible study anymore, and that upsets me a lot.

  1. I am so sorry that they did nothing. Please keep holding on to Jesus and your babies. I’m so glad you have them. I know the feeling of only holding on for the children and crying out to the Lord just to survive. You are not alone.