Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I see conformity to society, as lack of courage, so clearly.

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Conformity isn’t about courage.

It isn’t about truth, or knowledge, or social justice, or moral values, or emotional intelligence, or wisdom, or evaluating self, or insight, or anything of any value.

It is about opposite, of all these.

I used to be weak, and tried to fit in, follow the flock, not dare to object….

But, all the time I could see that society had so much wrong and I realised, it wasn’t me that was weird, it was society and people, that didn’t realise just how deceived they are, by others, and by themselves.

It takes inner strength, wisdom, courage, a need for honesty and capacity for insight of self and others, to not conform. Continue reading


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Socially Conservative Views, Linked To The Dark Triad: Machiavellianism, Narcissism and Psychopathy.

Wow, I knew this, but did not know they had done studies on this.

More of my personal understanding of humanity, validated by research and studies, through neuroethics.

Neurobiology is very interesting.

This link is VERY interesting, for anyone who understands narcissism, sociopaths and psychopathy, as I do, having been on the receiving end of their abuse.

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/3/prweb9255652.htm

http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12152-012-9155-7

This is how so many have such lack of empathy and lack of regard for humanity and are unable to understand the harm, their views, decision and behaviours cause.

It’s why so many conservative politicians, like Australia’s current Prime Minister – Tony Abbott, and his good friend Scott Morrison – Immigration Minister, can act in such callous ways to those in need.

It’s why so many hard line right wing Christians, can too act in such callous ways, hating on gay people, spiritually abusing people with their hard line, Bible bashings ways that include no compassion, no wisdom. Continue reading


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Violent sex predator, considered to be an ‘unacceptable risk’ to community, escapes from facility, twice. With 5 knives.

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/law-order/sex-predator-sean-andrew-carmodycoyle-on-the-run-following-escape-from-corella-place-facility/story-fni0fee2-1226840398779

This is not prison he escaped from. He was let out of prison. This was a supervised facility for sex offenders, who are considered an ‘unacceptable risk to society’.

“He has a significant history of violence including sexual assaults against women.”

“His criminal priors are significant, he has a mental disability and he is large in stature and we believe he’s presently in the possession of five kitchen knives.”

This is the second time he has escaped this facility.

FFS!!!

This man should be in prison.

Again, society, the legal system, unwise do-gooders, those with misplaced ‘compassion’, those who argue the ‘human rights’ of sex offenders is more important than the safety of society and in particular those vulnerable to these violent people – have let society down, by allowing someone who they know will very likely re-offend, out of prison. Continue reading


Song lyrics – Deep Wounds of Betrayal

I song I wrote about betrayal.

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Deep Wounds of Betrayal.

(Verse)
Betrayal, cuts the deepest wounds
Straight into the heart and soul
Betrayal from those you loved and trusted
Who’s hearts deep down, are cold

(Chorus)
Those who are meant to love you
You should have been able to trust
Caused instead deep wounds and fears
Into a painful life of silent tears

(Verse)
Always afraid to get too close
Because everyone always leaves
Her soul cannot take the pain
Of abandonment wounds that bleed Continue reading


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Song lyrics….Does Anyone See Her.

I have always needed to hear expression through poetry and song lyrics. Just to know someone, understands who I am.

I wrote one today.

‘Does Anyone See Her’

(Verse)
Does anyone see, who she really is
Her real soul, the one who cries
Hurt and betrayal caused over and over
Each time, more fragile soul dies

(Chorus)
Does anybody see
Past the I’m okay, the forced smile
Does anyone hear
Her sad, fearful inner child
Does anyone see
Into those beautiful, sad eyes
Does anyone know
Her secrets and pain, deep inside Continue reading


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Visions of Alice aka The Fucking Nerve of it!

I am disgusted that material like this is legal.
This makes me want to throw up.
Disgusting. Sick, Evil.
These paedophiles, are pushing for their sickness to be legalised, by lowering the sexual consent age to 10, or for their sickness, to be considered a ‘sexual preference’ – like being gay.
And I am highly concerned their are government officials apparently backing them.
There are some truly sick, disgusting people in this world.
Far too many of them.
Ruining children’s lives.
Wanting people to feel sorry for them and legalise their highly abusive perverted needs.

Thinking Out Loud

I saw the name on a very good, professional blog. I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading so of course I had to Google it – and there it was with would you believe an article by none other than a Mr Tom O’Carroll. What are the odds its the Mr Tom O’Carroll of Paedophile Information Exchange notoriety…..

I’d like to hope its not. I like to think and hope I am an understanding, compassionate person but as far as I’m concerned all understanding and compassion goes out the window at the merest whiff of paedophilia.

I can’t fucking believe this!

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‘Complex PTSD’ could become an official disorder in the next few years, in the ICD 11.

DSC05964 Storm at Sprague Lake

Currently under the DSM 5 and the ICD 10, Complex PTSD is not a recognised disorder.

Complex PTSD, is currently not an officially diagnosable disorder, as it is not in either of the two manuals for psychiatric diagnosis, mental health professionals have to refer to.

But, it is in the ICD 11 draft. Continue reading


I can’t imagine dealing with PTSD, living on the streets, as a child.

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PTSD and mental health disorder, aren’t just experienced by developed country societies. They are experienced even more by developing countries, where life is much harder.

After doing some research on the poverty and suffering, in Nepal, I thought about how these homeless, abused street children, and women, will be dealing with PTSD and other mental health conditions, as well as many physical conditions, whilst in fear every day – as those homeless do.

I’ve stepped into their shoes to imagine their daily life. The things they have to do to survive. The further abuse they receive from their own society that hates them, the police that abuse them.

PTSD is affected severely by more fear of further harm, lack of safety, fear of trust. And theirs is profound. Continue reading


Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – affects short term memory

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My short term memory is shocking.

It always has been. It’s like my brain has developed in a way, to only focus on anything that is about safety, protection, possible danger etc.

Even before I had children, I used to have to make lists of everything in work and cross them off as I completed them. After I had children, I blamed it on ‘baby brain’ – but now I know it was the complex PTSD, I have had all my life.

I can remember so many conversations, situations, things that were ‘red flags’. It’s like they are all stored away and can be brought out and remembered instantly they are triggered.

I have far too many memories of abuse.

But, I continually forget things I have to do now. My mobile, is full of reminders of things I need to do.

My husband calls me ‘Dory’ – from the kids move ‘Finding Nemo’.

This link shows the basics of how trauma affects memory. It confirms that PTSD, affects the capacity to convert short term memory to long term memory.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_and_trauma

“PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal involving the occurrence or threat of physical harm. It is one of the most severe and well-known of the different types of psychological trauma, mostly due to its prevalence in war veterans. As mentioned above, the stress of PTSD can have severe effects on the hippocampus, causing problems with transferring short-term to long-term memory. There is no one way that patients’ memories are affected by PTSD, as shown by a variety of studies.”

PTSD, is actually no longer classed as an ‘anxiety disorder’. It now classed as a ‘trauma and stressor disorder’, as per the latest APA DMS – 5 changes in diagnostic criterion (May 2013). Which is a positive move forward, as PTSD, is about far more than anxiety. To call PTSD an anxiety disorder, is a huge minimization of the affects of PTSD.