Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Volunteering Abroad Reviews…Good to read about people’s experiences in Nepal.


Found this link about reviews for some of the volunteering organisations that offer programs in Nepal.

Has been really interesting reading the reviews and what the volunteers thought about their experiences of volunteering.


My worst fear, is I won’t recover. And this is it. But, I have to consider it.


I am a realist.

Some say I am pessimistic, but my life has taught me well, to never assume the best will happen, because it rarely does. I don’t see life through rose coloured glasses, like many people like to.

And I need to be prepared for the worst, or I can’t cope. I have to face the fact, that it has been shown during the last few weeks, I am no where near ‘healed’. Whatever that is.

There has been some healing and I am thankful for that. But there, is so much not healed and I do have fear that it never will be. Continue reading

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Children Need Loving Care…Not ABUSE

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

We all desire love…
in this life that we live.
Freely we want love…
and freely we’ll give.
And this is especially true,
when children are involved.
But many children are rejected…
and this needs to be resolved.
For children need loving care…
not to be abandoned and abused.
But many parents fail their child…
who are physically and sexually used.

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Inside, I am still that sad little girl, sat at the window.

girl in window of hope(1)

My husband has told me, I am ‘zoning out’ more again.

When things are not going well, I often stare out the window, watching the trees and the branches and leaves moving.

It’s like a form of self soothing I needed as a child and it often leads to me being ‘zoned out’, as my husband calls it.

I’ve being doing this a lot lately, he tells me.

Often as a child, it was raining, so I used to watch the rain and the trees in the wind.

Today, it is raining and it feels just like it did then. It’s as though I am still that same little girl.


I cannot be anywhere child rapists may be. Or sit where they may have just sat.

At my second last counselling session, I was told that a sex offender, who had assaulted a child, and received a lengthy prison sentence, had been sat in the chair I was sitting in.

There are several reasons, why this whole conversation has affected me badly, including being part of the reason for my recent suicidal state, some of which I have already blogged about.

I was very uncomfortable returning to counselling after being told this person had been sat where I was. To be sat where he may have just been sitting, touching the arms of the chair he may have just touched, breathing in air that he may have breathed, fills me with repulsion that I cannot handle. Continue reading


You don’t know the real mind of evil, unless you have endured it personally.

I have had an ‘interesting’ life.

Many of my life experiences, have been about the darker sides of humanity. I have endured narcissists, sociopaths, a sadistic psychopath, paedophiles, spiritually abused by a minister and church…and have a ‘wealth’ of experience of all different types of abuse.

But, far more than ‘knowing’ their behaviours, I have endured their evil behaviours. And over prolonged periods of time.

I will argue with any mental health professional, psychiatrist etc – that unless you have endured their abuse personally, and seen into their eyes, witnessed them and what they are capable of ‘in their acts’, learned their behaviours to survive, felt the pain they cause….

Then you do NOT understand them. Or the harm they are capable of.

Mental health professionals will argue this is wrong. Even my own professional counselling support may disagree with this, but experience of these abusive people in action – is always far greater than academic knowledge, or dealing with them in a counselling situation, or prison etc. Continue reading