Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Stockholm Syndrome leaves scars that last a lifetime.




In all the research I have done about complex trauma, captivity abuse, psychopaths etc, the issue of Stockholm Syndrome has come up many times.

Some of the things I wrote on my healing page, were commented by others as being Stockholm Syndrome. I have always denied this, because it is a huge psychological issue to get your head around.

I wasn’t kidnapped, in the most obvious way, I wasn’t abducted off the street, by a stranger. My captor, who was old enough to be my father, I knew, and the ‘relationship’ began with my consent, however, now I know it was all due to intense and prolonged, meticulous grooming, for considerable time.

This psychopath, planned it and continued with his obsession with me, for a period of years. To cut a long story short, he was a friend of my (abusive) step fathers, and at the point where the psychopath wanted me out of my family home, he had unknown to me, already set up a place for me to live, as he was married and lived with his family. After setting this flat up, he then set my step father up on a gun related charge, that blew the situation out in the open, that I had secretly been having a relationship with him, for some time. Continue reading

The psychopaths brain, enjoys inflicting pain. Scientific proof.


I’ve seen this before, how a psychopath’s brain is shown to ‘light up’ the areas of the brain that show pleasure – when they are shown images of someone experiencing pain. Instead of lighting up the area of the brain showing empathy.

It’s pretty sick that their brains are hardwired that way.

Which doesn’t excuse them of their behaviour at all, because they still know it is wrong. And they still lie about it when caught.

The pain these people can cause their victims, is life changing and deep deep damage, that can last a lifetime.

Psychopathy and Sadism


Systematically one “victim” at the time unless they are sitting on a major powerposition where they can take “delight” in manipulating, duping and destroying the lives of many.  That’s right, taking pleasure in destroying someones life – meet the psychopath, an individual filled with such unimaginable jealousy, hate and contempt for others that unless you have had a run in with such an individual it can be hard to understand or even believe that someone would actually enjoy hurting, drive someone to kill themselves (murder by suicide Here) or kill someone.

So, are psychopath’s sadists?  Short answer, yes.  Besides the fact that anyone who has had a run in with such an individual will tell you that, we now even have “picture proof” that they enjoy hurting others   Here    Dr Liane Leedom wrote an excellent post on psychopathy and sadism back in 2008, Sadism and warped empathy in sociopaths

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I don’t belong here. And I never will.


I am alone. I always have been. I accept that in human terms, I always will be alone.

I never belonged in society, I don’t like society, I don’t like all the fakeness, all the selfishness, all the masks, all the abuse, all the excuses, all the ego’s. All the people who pretend to be nice, pretend to care, but they don’t.

I don’t belong in a Church. I can’t deal with all the same things as in society, plus them pretending to be spiritual and having faith and yet they act the same. Same fakeness, same masks, same excuses for their selfishness, same lack of empathy, same ego’s. And I see so clearly, most people in Church’s, are not Christians at all. They just think they are.

I don’t want any part of it, and I don’t have the energy, or the will to tolerate it all anymore. I’ve been tolerating this all my life and I am sick of it all.

I don’t belong here. I belong somewhere helping people who are really suffering. Continue reading


He was right, a part of me, would be his…forever.


My worst abuser, was a sadistic psychopath. Now I don’t care what the new word is for psychopath.

As far as I am concerned, calling psychopaths, a disorder called ‘Anti-Social Personality Disorder’, is the biggest minimization of what these psychopaths can do. But that’s society for you….minimizing abuse.

Anti-social behaviour – is playing music too loud, or graffiti on walls, not holding a teenager in captivity for years, to use as your sex toy, to terrify, to torture.

He is a sadistic psychopath, as described by the police who dealt with him.

He liked to cause pain and suffering. In fact he loved it. He planned it. He kept me against my will, with violence and threats of death.

At the beginning of this ‘relationship’, having been intensely groomed by this man, as a teenager, I admit I liked him being an authority figure. I know he was a father figure. he was 25 years older than me. He got me tell him my secrets, my fears. He knew exactly how vulnerable and scared I already was. This grooming period was about two years. Continue reading