Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


“You expect too much from people…..they will never be as strong as you”


This was advice from my husband today.

Lower my expectations of people.

He sees me struggle with human behaviour, being hurt by people.

He sees me not understanding how people can not care about others suffering, how they can feel so entitled, how they can ignore what they find difficult and have such apathy about things like child sex abuse. How they can feel outraged about sharks being culled, but ignore all the child sex abuse and paedophiles being let off their crimes with no jail time. I look at most people and think – wow.

It is true that with increasing narcissism, and apathy, there are many who care about themselves only and have no desire to care about others. And only care, when there is something in it for themselves, which again is selfish.

He reminded me, that I have gone through a lot in my life, have needed courage, strength and self honesty, many have never needed.

He reminded me, that my understanding of humanity, is deeper than most I will ever meet.

He reminded me, that most people can’t live up to who I am and how I think, they just can’t, due to my faith progression, emotional intelligence, and compassion for others. Continue reading

1 Comment

Choosing compassion, over being bluntly truthful…


I have done this a lot in my life, and I continue to do it.

Sometimes, the truth is needed, and I do stand up and speak it.

But, sometimes, I just accept people are limited and can’t be a friend I need, can’t do what is required, but I don’t tell them how selfish they have been and how hurt I have been, and how their excuses are just a crock, and just let it go.

It really depends on the situation and the person, and I consider what Jesus would want me to do.

Would Jesus need this honest truth spoken, of the selfish act this person has done, that hurt, at a time when I needed the opposite…..

Or does Jesus want me to let it go, and leave them to Him to continue to work on.

Often the latter, is what is required.

I really dislike, hearing things I know are non genuine.

But, I am so very used to this.


People’s justifications/reasons for their selfishness, never ceases to amaze me.


When you were suicidal – I didn’t know what to say – so I just ignored you.


This is so deeply selfish and so ‘all about the person saying this’ and nothing to do with the suicidal person.

No empathy.

No insight or care about how this would hurt the suicidal person.

And no insight into why this is so selfish.

This statement basically says, I didn’t know what to say, so I did nothing, because that was easier for ‘me’. And what was easier for me, was more important, than what you needed.

And then the excuses and justifications follow.

It doesn’t take a genius, to work out that all you need to do for someone in so much pain – is say ‘I don’t know what to say, or do, but I’m thinking of you’. Even maybe ‘If you need anything, please let me know’.

But, that is too much for some people. They would rather just ignore you, leave you to deal with your severe pain, and then when you are feeling better – contact you again – to talk about ‘their’ problems. Are their problems any worse than ending up suicidal because the pain is so severe? Of course not. But, that is ‘all’ that matters to them – me me me me me. Continue reading

Sociopaths and psychopaths are not fascinating. People who survive them are.

Love. Life. OM. Blog


The behaviors of sociopaths, psychopaths and any pathological persons are not fascinating to me and should be collectively judged as bad by society. Why?

We judge everything. Judgement isn’t as bad as people are led to believe.

Judgment encompasses three categories: good, bad and indifferent.

When we revere something, we are judging it as good. When we are indifferent to something, we are judging it as unimportant.

To me, indifference is the same thing as ignorance, and if we keep perpetuating ignorance about the real harm sociopaths, psychopaths and other pathological individuals are capable of inflicting, the problem just gets bigger and more difficult to manage.

So, I guess, I am not really judging anyone as being bad, am I? I am simply providing awareness based on facts and real-world experience.

The American Psychological Association will soon release the updated and revised 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical…

View original post 1,413 more words


I can’t make that phonecall I’m dreading…


After all that has happened over the last month or so, I am very aware I need to make an appt, to see my doctor.
I am aware she is probably back this week.

And, I went to do that a few times today, and I can’t do it. My husband has offered, in fact, stated if I don’t tomorrow – he will. I know he knows – I need to sort out all my deep distress about all that has gone on, which led to me being suicidal, and I am aware it is deeply layered, painful stuff, that quite frankly I would much rather never have to talk about. Continue reading

1 Comment

I still get those overwhelming emotions of grief, at how much abuse…


I am very aware my abuse history, is not the worst, by far. There are people out there suffering far more than anything I can imagine.

I still, however, have overwhelming emotions, of my own trauma history, and think why me, why so much, why so many?
And the kind of empathic distress response for myself, I would have for others who have suffered, that I have always tried so hard to avoid for myself, for decades.

A part of me is being hard on myself – thinking I should be ‘over’ this by now, like other people think. I should have a time frame on dealing with this, like other people will judgmentally impose.

But, the fact is, I have not dealt with any of the hardest stuff, other than about my mother ad I know that my relationship with my mother, is still affecting me now.

There’s so much. Where do I start… Continue reading


All paedophiles are psychopaths – I agree.
Good blog.

Author Betty Kuffel, MD


Pedophiles hide in plain view.

In most cases, children are molested by family members and close friends. The perpetrator is commonly someone a parent or child knows and trusts.

Pedophiles are priests, teachers, youth pastors, grandfathers, boyfriends, scout leaders, church camp leaders, police officers and fathers. They are difficult to detect and prosecute because they live two lives, a public respected one and a dark dangerous life of sexual violence against children. They are highly believable cunning pathological liars. They are psychopaths.

Are pedophiles mentally ill? YES

Pedophiles are psychopathic individuals in all societies and all professions who fake emotions, lack empathy for their victims and focus on secret sexual fantasies with children. They silence child victims with fear. Often, after a child has the courage to disclose abuse, the reports are not believed by parents or guardians. When a child is not believed, he…

View original post 839 more words

Why do survivors of narcissist/sociopath/psychopath abuse, write….


I truly feel so blessed when I read other survivors I relate to and who think and do the same, as I do and their reasons why.

It is validating, to have people who understand, without imposing their beliefs of what they consider is ‘normal’ that you should be doing instead.

I have visited this site a few times, and always find comfort in how they express the journey of healing from sociopathic/psychopathic abuse.

Why do I write?

What is it about writing that helps us make sense of the most insensible experience of our lives?

How do we find the courage to share our struggles and our triumphs with others? In what ways can writing demonstrate emotional integrity & authenticity in our everyday lives? And is it possible for us to redefine our very reality using nothing but imagination and the written word? Continue reading

Empath, Highly Sensitive Person, Burden Bearer – whatever it is called – I am one.


This post of from this ^ link.

An empath is a highly sensitive person who can literally feel other people’s emotions as their own. They feel everything and sometimes to the extreme. They are quite giving, spiritually attuned, and world-class listeners.

This might sound pretty cool, but I assure you that it can be a curse if you do not understand what is happening to you. When I found out I was an empath, it came at a time of emotional breakdown, which is not the optimal time to discover this! You can literally be walking around with a lifetime of accumulated karma, emotions, and energies of others. Until you learn about empaths and hone your skills, it can be an overwhelming experience to absorb everyone’s emotions around you.

Dr. Judith Orloff, emotional freedom expert, states that empaths can become angst-sucking sponges. She states that this can lead the empath sucking up negativity and lower frequency vibrations in an atmosphere and become exhausted. They are easy targets for emotional vampires, whose fear or anger can ravage empaths. It’s difficult for them to see the beauty around when they are full of emotional angst. They may have trouble in relationships due to being highly sensitive and needing time and space alone.

Empaths have unique variations in the central nervous system. The sensory organs have low thresholds resulting in high sensitivity to light, sound, and smell. I remember literally feeling my nervous system shaking inside. I never understood what was going on.

Are you an empath?
•Can you feel what other people are feeling?
•Do people tell you that you are “too sensitive” or “too emotional”?
•If a friend or partner is distraught, do you start feeling that as well? Continue reading

Would you sign a Church Discipline Contract about your sins?

Interesting reading….

From this ^ document

See more at http://robertcargill.com/2012/01/24/how-much-more-evidence-do-you-need-mark-driscolls-mars-hill-church-is-a-cult/