Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love my children. I love them deeply with all my heart.
I feel huge guilt, that my PTSD affects my family, even though I minimize the affect to them greatly.
But, the fact that I can end up feeling suicidal, causes me more guilt and shame, than I can handle.
To fail as a mother, is deeply distressing to me.
Being a mother is a tough gig for anyone, but it is far worse with PTSD.
No matter how much I tell myself that this isn’t failure on my part – because I am not to blame for all the abuse I endured, and I am not to blame for my PTSD breakdown and incapacity to suppress it all – like I did for decades.
My current situation, is not wanted me no-one more than me.
But, that does not stop guilt and shame.